Thursday, December 10, 2009

And So She Sparkles

When I worked at DHS one day we were having a conversation about perfume. I chimed in, telling them about the perfume my mother had given me for Christmas. It was from Bath & Body Works and came in a little can that clinked when you shook it because it had a little metal ball in it to stir up the glitter. The label said "Perfumed Glitter Spray" and I LOVED that stuff. I'm not a foo-foo girl, but I took great pleasure in spraying that stuff into the air and walking under it to give myself a little sparkle, but not too much sparkle, ya know.

(Well, I used it until we went to a concert and I saw two 40-something women in line ahead of us with exorbitant amounts of glitter on their sad selves and decided I was too close to 40 to attempt that look any longer and since then the "perfumed glitter spray" has been reserved for my elementary school daughter when she plays dress up and for my middle school daughter who doesn't need a reason to sparkle, duh.)

So anyway, I chimed in the conversation about my perfumed glitter spray and the cutesy little 22 year old new caseworker exclaimed, "YOU have stripper dust?!? YOU? As in YOU?" Mouth agape I said, "WHAT?" and then she told me that perfumed glitter spray is what the strippers use before they go on stage. Everyone had a good laugh about the fact I had no flippin' idea I had been sparkling like a topless dancer since Christmas. Of course, I had to come home that night and inform my family that I OWNED STRIPPER DUST. It's been quite the joke around the house.

Tonight was the kids' Christmas program at school and Kady wore the most beautiful green sparkly dress with a beautiful custom-made sparkly bow in her hot-rolled hair so naturally she needed sparkles all over the rest of her, right? I sparkled her up, sparkled her sister, gave her hair another spritz of hair spray - then I heard Paul and Sam dramatically coughing and hacking out in the hallway. Paul said, "Good gosh, woman. You have made our bathroom smell like a wh*rehouse! Sam, man, give me your Axe, dude," and they proceeded to spray that nasty stuff all over themselves thus making them smell like the middle school locker room after gym class. We all rushed out the door in a cloud of noxious vapors and sparkles.

About halfway to the school Abby sniffed and said, "I'm kind of agreeing with Dad - it does smell like a wh*rehouse in here. Wow." Right after that I heard Kady sniff and snuffle then say, "Aw man....I think I just snorted stripper dust up my left nostril."


Rae said...

There you go- making me laugh again! There's coffee spray all over the monitor now!

Shannon said...

ROTFLMFAO!!! Thank you for the laugh I so needed this morning! After work I am going to get gussied up (jeans, a top with beads on it from Wal-Mart, fix hair, AND put on make-up!!) and meet another group of women for pizza and a round of judging Christmas lights on houses. Yeah. The epitome of a wild Friday night in the small town where I live. So, I NEEDED this laugh this morning to remind me that all of this stuff is supposed to be fun!

Hmmm . . . you know I have some of the sparkling perfumed lotion from Christmas last year. I may have to introduce the other ladies to stripper dust!!! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!! You do a heart good!

Carmel said...

Funny funny funny

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