Thursday, December 03, 2009

Some things you just can't fix

I know, I know....I say I'm going to post more and I do pretty good for awhile then boom I'm all gone and stuff again. I really did have a good reason this time.

Sunday the kids and I just hung out at the house here, doing laundry and eating gratuitous amounts of Oreos. And I know y'all have days like this, I didn't ever find energy time to shower. It's gross, but some days merit absolute laziness. You know that. When Paul got home I started dinner - I had a plate of hamburger patties done and was in the process of getting another skillet going, the calico potatoes were just starting to sizzle in another and I was feeling ten kinds of relaxed. I was up to my wrists in hamburger meat when my cell phone started ringing the theme to "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" which is my biological father. I hollered for someone to come answer it and Abby came to the rescue. I said, "It's Pepaw, answer it." She did then palely handed it to me and said, "He wants to talk to you NOW." I could hear him shouting as I leaned in as she held it.

My father is a stern man who rarely emotes, but I said hello only to hear him say in the most frantic voice I've ever heard come from that man, "Your Aunt Shirlye just went down. We did CPR, she's on her way to Baptist. Come now, kid. Now." I said, "We're on our way," walked into the living room on the verge of quiet hysteria and said, "Aunt Shirlye's on her way to the hospital. They had to do CPR. That's all I know. Get your shoes on." Paul and the kids just did what I said and for like the only time ever no one said anything, asked anything, whined or complained.

I washed my hands (finally) and still fighting back the urge to just sit in the floor and cry for awhile, managed to get my shoes on, run a comb through my greasy hair and put the half-cooked dinner away for whenever. I had Paul call Cousin Courtney to see if the kids could stay with her, still not knowing the situation at the hospital, and then we blew out the door - all this in a matter of probably less than 10 minutes. I still hadn't cried at that point. I wasn't sure if I could stop if I started and I didn't want to walk into that hospital looking skanky AND hysterical.

I pulled up to the ER entrance, got out so Paul could get in and drive the kids to Courtney's and as I was walking toward the door I saw my father waving frantically for me to get in there. I ran as best as a fat girl can run and as soon as I entered the lobby my father put his arm around me and the hospital chaplain ushered him, me and my Uncle Tom into the ER. Still, at this point I had no clue what was going on and we met up with my stepmother as we walked. I raised my eyebrows at her, hoping for a clue. I got none. We were then led into a trauma room to find that Aunt Shirlye didn't had died. Then I cried.

These past few days have been a whirlwind of non-communication, tears, laughter, confusion, acceptance, anger, frustration and memories. Any time I am with my father's side of the family I realize how close we all aren't and it makes me so sad. When Nan passed away and we spent day after day in that hospital room with each other, drinking bad coffee and sodas from the machine in the waiting room and telling stories from our childhood, we all decided we needed to be closer. That was the first of September. It's now the first of December and I can say that one cousin and I are in closer contact now. That's all. When my Papa passed away you could barely drag us away from each other. Every family is different - it just so happens that my two sides are polar opposites. And we haven't even touched on my husband's family. They all think I'm an alien. No, I'm not kidding.

I love my father's family and they all love me, but it's just not a priority to get together I guess. They are just vastly different from my mom's side of the family and I have to realize that rather than get my feelings hurt or be disappointed when I feel like a raucous, loud stranger in a group of non-vocal people who stare at me like they wish I was a mute. My loud sense of humor and desire to make people laugh is wholly appreciated by one side and wholly not by the other. Aha...something just occurred to me - maybe it's ME they're all avoiding! Maybe that's why we never get together - they probably are having family dinners and just not telling me!

I kid, I kid.

I think.

So see? I have a great excuse this time for taking a few days from the blog - I was coming to terms with the fact that I am THAT relative.

This is going to make Christmas so much fun this year! I am going to try doubly hard to live up to expectations! WOOT!


Unknown said...

Dang...I could have saved myself a headache. In my RSS email, your entire post is crossed out. Once I read it (cross-eyed), I clicked on 'read more' to comment. It's fine here! The things I do to myself...

*hugs* to you! It's never easy to lose family members, even when you're not close to them. I can say that with authority as it has now been close to 10 years since I talked to anyone on my dad's side of the family.

We're all just seems worse during any holiday and at funerals.

(and on a lighter note, the word verification is 'fartfus' - I have zero idea what it means but it seems appropriate, lol!)

Rae said...

I think you miss your sister.

TrailerTrashQueen said...

oui vey. I have performed CPR so many times I couldn't even count them- and 99% of the time it does nothing.

My first lady that we brought back was hilarious. She coded, we performed CPR, we shocked her, and the next thing you know she sits strait up and tells us that there is rootbeer in the fridge if we want some... she was 96.

You never know what life will throw at you, but here's a shot of whiskey to making whatever it is- fun!

One Gray Hair At A Time said...

We have two sides of the family side you can not see for years and when you do you would think it was yesterday. Whereas on my husband's side, they live within 2 miles of us and we go a year without seeing them, and it's fine. I wish we had a close family on his side, because since I don't have any family around here I miss it.

Redneck Diva said...

Blondie, "fartfus" makes everything better. I know from experience. *grin* You are so very correct about dysfunctionality becoming more pronounced during stressful times and holidays. This has been a year of extreme change, loss and absolute upheaval for us and I've learned alot about myself and my family as a result.

Rae, you betcha. :-(

TrashQueen, well, maybe the poor ol' thing thought y'all had worked up a thirst doing all that CPR!

1inCollege, I think the fact that the other side of the family is so extremely close is what makes it so hard for me to handle the other side. I wish both sides could be that close. But if wishes were horses .... I'd be a rancher. :-)

ReneeHoover said...

Just so ya know i don't think your an alien=)

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