Monday, April 06, 2009

And we want this, why?

This morning, as I do virtually every weekday morning, I was flipping back and forth between CMT and VH1 while I wait for the kids to finish getting ready for school. I don't like country music, but sometimes you'll catch a random good video on CMT and sometimes VH1 plays Coldplay and my brain doesn't process Coldplay well and I'm all like "wha?" so thus the flipping back and forth.

So in between videos and random flipping back and forth a commercial for Enzyte comes on. Now, ol' Smilin' Bob has been around for quite awhile now and while they annoy me to no end, they are definitely memorable. The commercial that was playing was the Christmas one where ol' Bob is Santa. It just so happened that Sam was in the room with me when it came on. The whistling always gets the kids' attention.

He watched for a few seconds then looked at me and said, "Uh....I just don't get it." I said not a word because I am learning that keeping my mouth shut is sometimes much better, plus if I pretend the kids didn't say anything I don't have to answer them. Again he said, but more adamantly this time, "Mom. I don't get those commercials." I don't get Coldplay either but I usually just flip the channel and go about my life. Not so much for a 10 year old boy. He was waiting for an answer and I could see he was not letting me off the hook easily. I was praying the bus would come early or that the island would decide at that moment to flash us forward or backward or diagonally, whatever. Oh, but no. I live in Oklahoma, not a freaky mysterious island where "Others" and "Hostiles" and smoke monsters and large men who say "Dude" a lot exist.

I sighed and asked, "What don't you get about it, son?"

He said, "Well, for one thing..."

Oh boy.

"For one thing, why do all those women want to sit on his lap?"

My answer: "Because he's Santa. Next question."

"Okay, so why are none of the guys lining up to sit on his lap?"

My answer: "They're taking pictures for their wives' scrapbooks. Duh."

"Alright. So....what does this have to do with Enzyte? Is it a pill? And a pill for what?"

Agh! So many questions?

I took a deep breath. "It's a memorable commercial for their product which, yes, is a pill. And the pill is supposedly to make a man's winky bigger."

His eyes got huge and I mean HUGE. After a quick look down at his lap he looked at me and said, "WHY ON EARTH would a dude want a BIG one of those?"

My total cop-out answer: "Ask Santa. Oh look! It's time to catch the bus!"


Unknown said...

We live and die by the DVR, Disney Channel, and Nick Jr., here so I had no idea what commercial you were talking about! (Of course, the end of the post gave me a clue!)

Oh, the joys...

Robin said...

I'm afraid that that one will come back to bite you when you least expect it!!

Mommy Needs a Xanax said...

Oh. My. God. That is hilARRRRRious!

D*ck pills are the biggest scam in the history of mankind. Who's gonna call and complain when it doesn't work? "I bought this product and my wang is still tiny-- I want my money back!"

Not gonna happen.

Anonymous said...

One day poor Sam will wish he had a bottle of Enzyte!!! Hell I wish I had a bottle right now!!!!

Sincerely Your Fantasy

Cris said...

OK a few years ago my kids and I are watching Ron Snieder The Hot Chick. And Rob wakes up and his/her best girlfriend is grinning at him/her. Rob, still sleep asks what is going on and the friend points to the crotch area. Rob jumps up and a stuffed Giraffe if stuck on his wewe and sticking straight out! Rob runs in the bathroom and screams "My first Boner!!"

So my sweet little girl turns to me and asks, "What's a boner?"

Mush like you I feigned inattention. My response, "Huh? Whaa? I wasn't paying attention... eh maybe it means Giraffe."

My friends at work feel I am the worst parent ever for trying to leave a bit more innocence. Besides, it's Oklahoma, she'll be jaded and pregnant way before she's out of high school as it is.

Shannon said...

When those commercials first started coming on when Brady was A LOT younger it was the golf one and he asked me what they were for and I told him it helps you play golf better. LOL--ok, then finally we told him, we got a good laugh tho.
Now it is a joke around here.

Anonymous said...

I am looking forward to a very funny blog next Christmas.

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