Sunday, September 14, 2008


It was a year ago that I wrote this post and a mere week before that, swore off shampooing my hair.

Folks, I still don't shampoo my hair.

Now, if you're new to reading this blog, please don't freak out. Please. Just go back up to that first sentence and click the link and then click the link in that post. It explains a lot.

I have sworn off shampoo and my hair thanks me. Daily.

You know, sometimes we get into a habit of doing things and then it becomes, well....a habit and we stop thinking about why we do it and just do it. So last week I was forced to stray from my habit of foregoing the shampoo and using only conditioner -- because I ran out of conditioner. Blame it on my new life-changing routine of only going to Walmart every two weeks. Blame it on the rain, Milli Vanilli. Blame it on the fact that I could've SWORN there was another bottle in the hall closet. But no matter where the blame goes, the fact remains that I was out of conditioner.

After wailing a piteous cry from the steamy shower, I forced myself to quit panicking, hollered for Abby to grab "that big tube in the closet that's white and says that word 'BIOLAGE' on it" and then.....(drum roll)...... I poured a big ol' glob of shampoo into my hand and proceded to wash it. With shampoo.

My hair cried. Just like it cries every time I go to the salon because no matter how hard I try, I can't bring myself to ask my stylist to just use conditioner. I think her brain would fall out if she tried. It is not in the nature of stylists to not use shampoo.

When the shampoo was rinsed I then glopped on some ULTRA HYDRATING BALM made by Biolage that my friend Queen Tammy gave me when she cleaned out her closet awhile back. I never used it because heck, I get plenty of conditioning without needing to ULTRA HYDRATE it as well.

Well, if there was any doubt at all that shampoo is a bad thing for my hair, the frizz that was emanating from my head that day was all the proof I needed to know that shampoo is evil. Shampoo is bad for me. Shampoo is poo.

Can you believe that a week later I am STILL out of conditioner??? Me either! I love me some big hair, but not when the big-ness comes from six inches on either side of my head being nothing but FRIZZ. Seriously. A ponytail doesn't even help because that frizz is some determined stuff and mere ponytail elastics cannot contain it. Add in a hurricane, turned tropical storm, turned a whole buncha rain dumped on Oklahoma and well....I have had better hair days in my life. Even 1991 was better for me in regards to hair and trust me when I say, that is a statement.

Rest assured that a year after having sworn off the poo that is a sham, Paul still keeps a close eye on my hair. Or should I say a close nose on it because he thinks I don't notice that when he's hugging me, he'll sniff my hair. He made me promise that if he ever said I had developed stinky hair from using only conditioner, that I would not deny or get angry, but that I would simply start washing my hair again "like normal people."

Sniff all you's clean. However, be warned that if you go sniffin' right now, you risk losing your life in the abyss that is the frizz on my head.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Bouncy, bouncy!

We....the people

Originally published in The Miami News-Record, July 2020 Everything is different now. I’m not just talking about masks and social distancing...