Now, while Car Dealer Friend was talking to my husband with his silver car-selling tongue the kids and I were lounging around here at home in our pajamas, playing Wii and reading and enjoying our day off of work and school. But then Paul comes in, eyes blazing with the magic of this van that we MUST GO BUY TODAY BECAUSE YOU NEED A NEW VAN, WIFE!!!!
I was perfectly happy with the A*shole van. Perfectly happy with the driver's side window that will roll down but won't roll back up. Perfectly happy with the back doors that haven't opened in nearly two years. Perfectly happy with the "KERTHUMP" sound the transmission makes when it goes from first to second. Perfectly happy with the custom Pioneer stereo my husband had installed for me one year for Mother's Day that is so awesome that one time a friend got in and after listening for awhile said, "That's kind of a kickin' stereo system for such a piece of crap van, don'tcha think?"
So running to BUY A VAN RIGHT THEN BECAUSE I NEEDED ONE wasn't a big excitement for me. I didn't want this floosie of a van that my husband was flaunting in my face like a 20-year old with perky boobs and tight buns and no moustache. But I figured I'd humor him and we'd go test drive it. The kids didn't want to go, I didn't want to go, but go we did.
Dang leather bucket seats, dual side doors, bun warmers and a back hatch that opens.....that floosie van won my children over by acting like the cool new step-mom who lets them ice cream for breakfast.
Oh I drove it and picked it apart. I didn't like the way the leather seats made me slide down like someone had buttered my butt. I didn't like the bun warmers because the warmth of my buns have had no affect on my driving for 20 years now. I didn't like the 2nd row bucket seats because the kids were fighting over who got to sit in them the second we got in it. And red vehicles get pulled over for speeding more than any other colored vehicle. And the worst? The left rear speaker doesn't work. Yeah. See what I mean?
Because eventually the little tart won me over by allowing me to order drive-thru without having to open my door. And I am secretly hoping that by heating my buns every time I drive, they will shrink.