Wednesday, October 24, 2007

This smells all too familiar

Those of you who are longtime readers will remember the Great Yellowjacket Invasion of 2005. Those of you who are new to the place, you need to go here and read this post. It's long, but OH so interesting and I guarantee you will end up shuddering and totally freaked out before you finish reading it. Seriously, go read it.

Well, about 4 or so days ago Paul commented on a funky smell in the kitchen. The kids and I didn't smell it and just figured he was retarded, as we do on a fairly regular basis. The next morning, though, I smelled a smell. Kind of a "there's something funky in the trashcan smell" and had Sam take out both trashes. Then I bleached both trashcans. When I walked in the door after work that day it hit me like a ton of bricks. No kidding, my nasal passages were assaulted by a familiar smell - dead mouse.

Those of you who are country people know that mice tend to migrate into people houses when the weather gets cold or after you bale hay or burn off the field. It's their ultimate revenge for you screwing up their meadow homes and living high on the hog in a house that no one bales yearly. The Great Mouse Migration every fall is what forces us to keep a herd of cats here at our house even though Paul and I don't like cats. We have to keep cats here or else the mice would take over. Keeping cats is a small price to pay in order to keep a family of mice from making us their bitches. Oh and I have I mentioned that I am FREAKIN' SCARED TO DEATH OF MICE?????

But having grown up in the country surrounded on all four sides by hay meadow and having lived in our current 40 acre country estate for 6 1/2 years now, I am all too accustomed to having the occasional mouse in the house. Now that we have Guido and the Cat Mob here to make 'em an offer they can't refuse, we usually only catch one or two a year.

That being said, remember when we found the skeletal rat behind the dishwasher? You don't? Well, I must share that link, too. (You have to scroll down to the paragraph that starts "Saturday afternoon")

Now, with all this background information you have acquired in the last minute or so, you are probably thinking what I'm thinking. (No, Pinky, it doesn't require putting a tutu on a ground squirrel) (If you aren't a fan of The Animaniacs and Pinky and the Brain, you will SO not get that last statement) You are probably doing mental math and figuring out that we've been smelling dead mouse for over four days now and dead mouse usually only smells bad for a day or two, three tops. They're pretty small, ya know - lots less to decay. So the longer the smell lingers, one would assume the bigger the rodent.

I think we've got another dead rat in the wall. Read that again and then run around your house with your hands on your face like that Home Alone brat and scream bloody murder. That's what I did when the realization hit me.

That's also why I beat the covers on my bed with my son's baseball bat last night before I would get into it, also why I stomp when I walk throughout my house, shouting the entire time, "IF THERE ARE ANY OTHER RATS LURKING IN MY HOUSE, I HAVE A GUN AND KNOW HOW TO USE IT" and trust me when I say, I would not even hesitate to blow a freakin' hole in the floor if I saw a rat scurrying across it. Not for an instant.

I'm not talking about alley rats, junk yard rats, gutter rats or even 'hood rats that would automatically lead you to believe that we are dirty, trashy people - no, I'm talking about field rats. Big, fat, juicy field rats that want to get warm just as much as their smaller counterparts, the field mice, do. They're just bigger mice. Really bigger. Although, not as big as the ginormous rat in the movie Of Unknown Origin that my girlfriends and I watched when we were in the 5th or 6th grade. I hope.

I have burned through an entire large candle from White Barn Candle Company, used over half a bottle of scented oil in my little tealight burner from Bath and Body, I have even pulled out old Home Interiors scented votives that I think we got as wedding presents 15 years ago. My house is a combination of caramel, cinnamon, spiced pumpkin, country harvest apple, mulberry, vanilla and dead rat. Sadly, we're growing accustomed to it due to nasal fatigue and the fact that our olfactory senses are overloaded from the constant barrage of fragrance, but my mother-in-law walked in the front door last night and immediately said, "Eww, smells like dead rat in here."

I'd almost welcome a yellowjacket nest at this point. And believe me, the fear that we have another yellowjacket nest has crossed my mind more than once, but we haven't seen any flying, stinging missiles of doom around the house, so I think it's just a case of dead rat in the wall.

"Just a case of dead rat in the wall" - notice how calm and blasse' that sounds? Well, trust me, I had just finished running around the room with my baseball bat before I typed that.


mombo said...

In the immortal words of Mr. Squarepants, "I smell the smelly smell of something that smells smelly!" I've been there, and I feel your pain. BTW, my 21 yr. old daughter bought me season one of Pinky and the Brain for mother's day. I love that girl! BTW2, do you know anything about campsites around Grand Lake?

Sam said...

We have a pet mouse. I forgot to blog about it, but there ya have it. We feed it. On purpose. And provide it with a home safe from TB's cat. I am crazy, I know.

Anonymous said...

First of all, I should contact Mombo about Grand Lake camping. Secondly, have a dead skunk under the house and then we'll talk! Oh the memories, nightmares, whatever you call them it was a NASTY period of time here.

You know why I'm here as annonymous, think about it. you know who I am. Ok fine, think about a home oh say 5 miles SW of the Diva home. Yeah it's me!

Shannon said...

OH MY!!!!!! Guess I need to appreciate my little mice we have here in town, huh? :)

Anonymous said...

Ok, I tried to leave Mombo a comment but am having difficulties (imagine that) so I'm invading your space, you don't mind do ya? Didn't think so. Pass this on for me please:

I saw your request on Diva's sight. We belong to Bears Den on Grand Lake, I have coupons for some free camping there (I'm willing to share because if you decide you absolutely LOVE it I get money back on my membership- you just thought I was creepy helpful!). If your interested let me know and I'll send you my email address. They have a clubhouse with game room, miniature golf and lots of other activities. They do have a website, I can't remember it, you could google it. The Honey Creek State Park is nice too but is hard to get into I think with a bigger trailer.

Stewed Hamm said...

Rodents of Unusual Size? ...I don't think they exist.

Anonymous said...

When I was little, my dad pulled a pistol out of his back pocket and shot a mouse as it scurried across the floor. Nothing about this seemed odd to me.

We are SO kindred spirits.

Lori - Queen of Dirty Laundry said...

Brings back fond memories of my days in retail - as Asst. Mgr. of a Christmas Store. We had a renegade fact, I think someone did a "catch and release" on him once.

But he came back.

And I opened the store early one winter morning to find him dead under the silk pick bins. I did what any 20-something ditz would do - I dumped a bag of potpourri on top of him. Peach scented.

Anonymous said...

Oh, this brought back memories! I used to have cats (and I'm allergic) to keep the mice from taking over in the fall and winter. I recall a time when I *thought* we had a rat and I was mortified! As it turns out it was a baby possum! Like that's better?

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