Thursday, December 29, 2005


I just finished a meatloaf sandwich and I gotta say, I'm one pretty happy girl right now. I haven't made meatloaf in ages and just decided yesterday to make some. Mr. Diva hates - no loathes - meatloaf, so why make it? Well, I guess I should make it because I like it! I made him sirloin tips last night with mashed potatoes and green beans to go with. He shook his head and made faces while he watched me eat my delicious, yummy meatloaf. He's such a poo.

The Diva anniversary is quickly approaching and what we're doing for it, I have no clue. I would like to go out of town and shag ourselves rotten in a motel room, but Mr. Diva is either being practical or just cheap and says we should just stay home to shag ourselves rotten. Motel sex is so much better, in my opinion.

This will be our 13th anniversary. Whoohoo. Ya know, after the first one and then the fifth one, they just all kind of blur together. Our anniversary is on New Year's Day and boy, when you're 19 and naive you think, "Oh if I plan our wedding on a holiday then he'll never forget and we'll always have a party to go to!" Well, 19 year olds are not known for their intelligence, obviously. The older we've gotten, the less we've gone out. When I worked at the bar as a waitress he would just sit out there and watch me wait tables and get drunk. Then we had kids and we stayed at home and watched movies, usually falling asleep well before midnight. Then as the kids got older we'd go over to Mom's house or Tater's house. Last year we got all wild and crazy and went to the casino till 3am. But he says we're not doing that this year because Keith Anderson and George Wendt are just not worth $100 he says. Party pooper.

So we're having my mother and the Taters over. Whoo hoo yet again. One year, everyone (except me) put together a jigsaw puzzle. I sat on the couch and read Matilda. I hate puzzles. I sure as hell hope no one brings a puzzle to this shindig. The one shining highlight is that I'm making my world famous enchiladas - both kinds. Yep, I'm goin' all out this year.


I don't think I ever tallied off to y'all what all I got for Christmas.

*Approximately 15 bottles of various antibacterial Bath and Body Works stuff. Santa's Workshop at the school sold it this year and well, the kids know their momma is a germ freak. I'm not kidding when I say 15 bottles either. There should be no germs infecting me in the new year.

*A printer. Mr. Diva gave me the money and I picked out the one I wanted. It sat in the dining room floor for a week, waiting on him to wrap it. Finally I just brought it out here to my office and installed it. I was tired of it sitting there taunting me. It's so nice to have a printer again.

*A Bedazzler. Today is Wal*Mart's payday and I am SO buying rhinestones.

*Some new Corel dishes in a beautiful yellow and blue pattern. Three big bowls, some small ramekin type bowls and a 9x13 pan. Mom rocks.

*A caramel candle.

*Some Cherry Blossom perfume.

*My niece got me a bear figurine to sit on the computer desk. The kids know that every figurine, toy, rock and flower comes directly out here to the computer desk. Mom picked me up a little Tinker Bell sitting on a spool of thread a few weeks ago and she's next to Eeyore and Rufus the naked bobblehead mole rat from Kim Possible. And they're all next to the gnome riding a squirrel who looks entirely happier than any gnome should be while riding a squirrel. Must be a vibrating squirrel or something. So TotOne knew that the bear would find a home out here, next to the "spawkwy wock" Kady brought in last week.

*A Littlest Pet Shop turtle. Omg, this turtle is the cutest dang thing I've ever seen! Tater got Abby the LPS playground and while we were shopping for critters to go in it, I found this turtle and fell in love with it! So Mom bought it for me. Have I mentioned Mom rocks?

*The baby quilt that made me cry. And all of you cry as well, I see. I've got to take a picture of it and post it on here. It's so beautiful.

*An MP3 player. This thing is so dang wonderful that I spend wayyyyyyy too much time rearranging my music on it and my computer. I really have no life.

*A new calendar. Not a Sandra Boynton one like I got last year, but still a pretty cool calendar. There's a spot each week for each individual family member so we can all see where we're all scattered about at any given time.

*A desktop publisher. I've been too enamored with my MP3 player to install it yet, but I'm hoping to get around to that this week sometime. It looks pretty awesome.

*The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I'm hoping to break that out on New Year's Eve after the kids crash. Mr. Diva's been too busy bribing jurors all over hillbilly country, crashing into police cars and evading aliens to let me have the TV to watch a movie. I'm going to hide the PS2 on New Year's Eve.

And I think that's pretty much it. My birthday is in three weeks - I've asked for a new tattoo, a new mother's ring and gambling gift certificates. We'll see what I end up with. I can pretty much bet that Mom will not be the one giving me the tattoo. I'm hoping Mr. Diva picks up that one. I'm getting him a dang $100 crappie rod for his birthday, so he can at least spring for a $50 tattoo, right? Here's hoping. I fully realize that I get a buttload of free gambling on my birthday, but I'd certainly accept any extra anyone was willing to give... Jen, you can hint that to my mother if you'd like, lol.


Abby's down today with a really bad earache. She started complaining of it yesterday and I kept the cold medicine in her because she and Sam both sound like crap with all the coughing and snotting they're doing. But by bedtime she was fairly miserable. I gave her a Tylenol Cold and sent her to bed. 30 minutes later she was in my office, tears in her eyes and said, "Mom, I've tried, but I can't lay still long enough to fall asleep. THIS THING HURTS!!!" I called the PA on call for her PA and she said that even though I'd already given her Tylenol I could give her some Motrin as well. Then first thing this morning I called the PA's office. The nurse acted so relieved when I said, "I don't think she needs an antibiotic and I don't think she needs to be seen either, she just needs something for the pain." She replied with, "Okay. Whew! I'm glad you said that! We'll call you in something!" They've just been swamped. So swamped that the PA asked that I wait until the middle of January to even call to make Kady's well child appointment.

I just called the pharmacy to see what they called in. God bless them, they called her in some Auralgan. WHOO HOO!! That stuff is GOLD, I'm telling ya. We got a bottle of it when Ab was about a year old from a pediatrician in Joplin. But since we've switched to all local doctors we can't get anyone to prescribe it! It's like Oklahoma has something against ear-numbing drops. Once, I got a PA to call in some for Ab and then I loaned it to Tater when TotOne had an ear infection and it somehow got lost in the shuffle. I will take this new bottle and wear it on a chain around my neck and if anyone needs to use some, I will personally put the drops in the person's ear myself and it shall never leaveth my sight. Shalom. I have spoken. I'm not losing another bottle of that stuff, dangit.

But Abby's not complaining too much today because I'm spoiling her rotten. She's getting to drink tea instead of just juice. She thinks she is getting way away with something. Right now she's curled up on the couch in a blanket watching All My Children. Again, she thinks she is seriously hot stuff.

Speaking of All My Children, we're down to the last 20 minutes of t0day's episode and those are the most important 20 minutes so I'm going to go watch it with my spoiled oldest child. And then we're all taking a nap. I'm going to miss these middle of the day naps when the babies come back next week. I'm becoming rather spoiled myself.


Hillbilly Mom said...

What's up with the ears, chick? You seem to be hiding them under your hair in the pics. Hmm...some kind of free-cheese-seeking alien, a yellow-jacket queen, Fitty's silent partner...what is your true identity?

I watch Seinfeld with my spoiled oldest child. He has learned about masturbation contests, "Delores", spongeworthiness, Buck Naked, treating his body like an amusement park, "nip", shrinkage, real and spectacular boobs, and diaphragms. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Perhaps I should not worry so much about the pr0n that he might see on Showtime.

Hillbilly Mom said...

And let's not forget "Rochelle, Rochelle, a young girl's strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk", the Cheever letters, "IT moved", "he took IT out", George's fling on the desk with the cleaning lady, Jerry's makeout session at Schlindler's List, George handcuffed to the bed by the subway hooker, "the swirl" and Jerry's date who caught an STD from a tractor seat.

Maybe I should pick another show for us to watch.

We....the people

Originally published in The Miami News-Record, July 2020 Everything is different now. I’m not just talking about masks and social distancing...