Monday, March 22, 2010

THE EIGHTIES, PEOPLE!

I have no reason for this blog post other than we just got VH1 Classic yesterday and I am sitting my stay-at-home mom hiney on the couch today during naptime, reliving my youth with Totally 80's.

Okay, I'm doing this Stream-of-Consciousness style so hang onto your skinny ties and day-glo mis-matched earrings. Here we go......



Tiffany: "I Think We're Alone Now" -- Okay, first off let me say I owned the cassette. I already had a major girl-crush on Molly Ringwald so it was only natural that Tiffany would capture my heart as well. I wanted red hair so badly back then.

Why does she look so bored? Does she not know she is the Princess of the Malls? Does she not know she is dancing with a dude on the beach who has perfectly symmetically squared hair? Does she not know that she should soak up the glory and sassiness now because in about 20 years Miley Cyrus is going to make her look like a virgin at a 50's sock hop?  Seriously, my mom was so offended by her gyrations back then, but Miley Cyrus' pole dancing on stage makes this look like nothin'.

The final shots of Tiffany on the luggage carousel make me want my high-top Reeboks back. Dude, they had VELCRO at the top.

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Phil Collins: "Sussudio" -- HA! He's wearing a skinny tie. An ORANGE skinny tie. Well, more of a peachy, yellow-y, mystery sherbet tie.

Sussudio. Seriously. What up with that name? That was one name that just never took off. Bazillions of parents didn't find out they were having a girl and decide to name her Sussudio after this song. They named their daughters Tiffany.

"Now she don't even know my name..." Dude, you are a stalker. However, you are adorable. I will give you that, Phil.

I can't stop saying Sussudio. With a lisp.

Any video with guys in white suits playing trumpets is okay by  me. It has the Redneck Diva Seal of Approval.

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Night Ranger: "Sister Christian" -- SQUEEEEEE! This song is on my iPod! Brian Highfill used to call me that!!! I didn't realize it meant I was a prude and a "good girl" and that I needed to quit being quite so uptight. I was just stoked someone called me the name of a song. He didn't say it mean. He always said it with a smile.

Okay, some of these hairstyles I am seeing like now. The hair on the girls. Not the band's hair. That style will hopefully remain forever in the 80's. Big hair band hair should stay with the band. In the 80's. Farrrrrr away in the 80's.

OOh red pants. I bet they're leather. Oh Mr. Keyboard Guy in the red probably-leather pants, would you like to borrow some baby powder? I bet you're chafed.

Were those bras they threw off the back of the convertible as they drove off? I remember when I could do that.....

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Richard Marx: "Hold Onto the Night" -- You know it's gonna be good when it starts out with black and white still shots from concerts. 

Wasn't this the theme to my Senior Prom?

Mullet.

Curly, brushed-out mullet.

Oh, Richard. *shakes head*

I miss jean jackets.

I wonder how many cans of Aqua Net gave their lives so that Richard's hair would move in one solid mullet-y mass during this video....

Why did we stop rolling our t-shirt sleeves a couple of times? That was cool. Wicked cool.

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Van Halen: "JUMP" -- My kids only know the Glee version. I am SO recording this for them. They must know of the Roth. They simply must. Abby will gag at his latex pants. Guaranteed.

Guyliner. David Lee Roth may have been the first to usher this is so successfully. I know of no other who wears the guyliner like he did.

I love me some banana-colored tiger-print, Eddie. Really.

The drummer always looks like a two-year old throwing a tantrum. It wasn't head-banging for him - it was entire body banging. Kind of awkward. Don't purse your lips like that, sweetie. I don't want to kiss you any more when you do that.

I never understand why he wiped the mic stand across his butt like that. Did he have an itch? I bet Mr. Red Leather Keyboard Guy from Night Ranger would let him borrow his baby powder.

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ZZ Top: "Sharp Dressed Man" -- Every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man.

I can't say anything about this video other than AWESOME. I always completely dug ZZ Top's videos. I like the stories.

Okay, I can say one thing. The chicks in their videos always bounced and bobbed so lasciviously. No one else could've pulled it off in any other band's videos, ladies. Just know that. You bob like that in a Journey video and you are a slut. You do it in a ZZ Top video and you are hawt.

"Legs" was my favorite. Just sayin'.

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Poison: "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" -- Oh naked man lying there with your arm across your forehead....what hav eyou done to the curly-headed woman in the tank top next to you? She looks forlorn and possibly angry.

Poison always looked dirty to me. As in unbathed dirty.

How did the hair bands of the 80's and 90's see through that hair in front of their eyes? They remind me of that sheep dog in the old Looney Toons cartoons. The girls today have at least one eye peeking from behind their uber-straightened bangs. How did y'all DO it?? Was it like bat radar?

"Now I hear ya found somebody new and that I never meant that much to you. To hear that tears me up inside and to see you cuts me like a knife."  Oh gah, those lyrics right there bring back memories of my first big breakup. Wow. Ouch.

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Cameo: "Word Up" -- Can't hear this song without thinking of Steve Carell in The 40-year old Virgin. Just can't.

Oh sweetie, the hard plastic cup goes under your jeans. Not over. Bless your heart. I'll look away while you fix that.

W-O-R-D UP!

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Huey Lewis and the News: "The Heart of Rock and Roll" -- Okay, yum. Huey Lewis gets me ... right.... here.

I miss the days of buttoning your shirt all the way up. I used to wear a pin right over that top button. One was dangly. I was cool.

I remember getting so excited when he'd shout out Tulsa. I'm not even from Tulsa, but HUEY LEWIS MENTIONED OKLAHOMA. Okay, so he also mentioned Texas, Michigan, Ohio and others, but still....

The lit-up heart under his shirt at the end is like, super corny. But he's cute so we'll let it go.
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Beastie Boys: "(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (to Party)" -- Lurve me some Beastie Boys. So does my 13 year old. She is cool.

"Do you like parties?"

"I hope no bad people show up."

HAHAHHAHAHAHHA Nope. None of those will show up. Really.

Why did my parents not stop me from listening to these guys? Oh wait, probably for the same reason I don't stop my teenager from listening to it. Because they're cool.

I never understood the whole pie in the face thing in this video. It seems kinda random.

That one guy looks like he's 12.

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Rush: "Limelight" -- Why do I not remember Rush? Oh maybe because I was too busy trying to be like Debbie Gibson and Tiffany.

Fast-forwarding. ....

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Modern English: "I Melt With You" -- I am completely supressing the urge to get up and dance right now.

I miss the sunglasses and hats of the 80's.

The lead singer reminds me of Danny Evans.

Why does the world have to stop for melting to occur? I've been known to melt while the world rushes right along around me. Just sayin'.

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Tony Basil: "Mickey" -- Cheerleading sure has changed a lot since then. There's much more gyration now. And my parents thought there was a lot of gyration back then.

I like her dog ears. What is she like 40 in this video?

I used to have some pom poms on my shoes, too. Okay, no I didn't. But I wanted some.

The poms the cheerleaders use now are about 1/100th the size of the ones in this video. I wonder why they shrunk 'em..... I liked the big ones. Not that I was ever a cheerleader or anything. But when I gazed longingly at the cheerleaders' pom poms I liked 'em.

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Kiss: "Heaven's on Fire" -- Oh goodness, I think this song is dirty. Not the unbathed kind of dirty I mentioned in the Poison video. I mean, like, really really dirty. That  kind of dirty. Yeah.

Oh my. NO WONDER my parents didn't like Kiss!

I think I'm blushing.

Don't tell me to feel your heart, young man! I'll grab you by the ear and drag you right on outta here! Horny little whippersnapper.

Wait. Aren't the guys from Kiss older than me?

Oy.

8 comments:

Cap'n Neurotic said...

Your Phil Collin's comment immediately made me have to go find this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clKc2Pdvda8

At about the 1:10 mark it will start to become clear why

Redneck Diva said...

Cap'n, BWAHAHAHHAHAHA!! Okay, that really made me laugh out loud!

CGHill said...

Toni Basil turned 39 the year of "Mickey."

Anonymous said...

Go back and pick up Rush--you won't be sorry.

Stacie said...

You don't remember Rush? Wow, I wasn't a big fan, but I still remember them.
Jump from Van Halen always makes me think of Brian Highfill and Sycamore Valley where he gave me my first kiss. *sigh*
And the pins over the top button that's buttoned on the crisp white shirts...my personal favorite. I still have those, btw. I remember one time I was singing for Mr Medders to place me in vocal music and I mentioned that I was nervous. He said "You're nervous? I should be nervous with that eye looking out at me!" I had on my pin over my white blouse. My pin of a face that had purple hair that covered one eye and the other eye was a rhinestone. LOL The purple hair covering one eye was a little prophetic, if you think about it. :)
You know, crisp white shirts are still my favorite. I own 5 of them.

Bailey's Leaf said...

What? No Rush? Geeze!

No Metallica?

No Duran Duran?

No John Hughes movie references? (I gave the post a speed read, so I could have missed them.)

No Cure?

No Bryan Adams? Didn't he do the theme song to the Shakespeare movie in the 90's? Robinhood, I think.

But, Beastie Boys. Yes, a guilty pleasure.

Richard Marx? Saw him in concert. He was very good.

I laughed and shook my head at all of your list. The memories. The hair. The hairspray.

Speaking of, did you part your hair to the side, curl it to a feather then give it a spray with hair spray, pull it up with the brush and dry it dry with a hair dryer? I had lop-sided big hair. Oooo, and a tornado could have whipped through and a piece of hair would have never moved.

I miss the 80's. Times were so much simpler then . . .

Redneck Diva said...

CGHill, I thought she looked a little longer in the tooth than those other gals. No way you'd catch me in a cheerleader outfit at 40. Heck, you won't at 37 either.

Anon, Hmh...are they as good as Lady Gaga?

Stace, No Rush. Apparently I was too busy being lost in Debbie Gibson's eyes. "Jump" and Brian Highfill...*big dreamy sigh* I miss Mr. Medders. I Googled him awhile back. He's a reserve popo in Grove. :-)

Bailey's, the playlist was entirely decided upon by VH1 that day, don't hold me responsible for leaving out the good stuff! Duran Duran...man, they were awesome. I have their Greatest Hits double CD set. Got it for my 35th birthday. Because that's not weird at all.

As far as hair, my usual 'do was a tight curly perm with GIGANTOUS mall bangs that consisted of three hairsprayed barrel curls to the side and one downward. Then I teased them all into submission and used half a can of Aqua Net or Rave to hold it all in place. My hair was so high when I started driving I had to slump to keep it from rubbing against the ceiling. Yeah.

I miss the 80's and 90's...

Marshamarshamarsha said...

I totally wanted the pom poms on my shoes too....saddle oxfords would have been even better!