Friday, January 02, 2009

Oh, it is ON

Great balls of fire, it's time for the 2008 Okie Blog Awards! This is big news for us Okie Bloggers who thrive on the affirmation from others that we are indeed good enough, smart enough and that doggonit, people like us. Expect me to post, post and more post from now until like, February. After that I'll probably go back to my slacker ways. Hey, I'm nothing if not honest.

I have been to two of the Okie Blogger Round-ups (okay, so there have only been two...) and have met some awesome people both times. The first year Tater and I worked the table at the door (I mean we sat at the table, we did not dance on it) and Melessa introduced herself then proceeded to just all kinds of unload about Abby's at-that-time teacher who she had called "Dude" in class and the dude (heh) kind of went off. It was a wonderful way to meet her and we ended up hanging out pretty much the whole day. She also sat with Tater, Paul and I at last year's round-up (and was later joined at our table by Shannon). (Nevermind that I sat in the corner and just wanted all night for someone to say, "No one puts Diva in the corner" but alas, no one did...)

We also spent the better part of the day that first year with Babs (Babs, if you're still around ...uhm, your blog is not yours anymore, hon - just FYI) and that was also the year I got to meet Steph and Nettl and see Mozartballs. Last year I was honored to meet Kelly and looking back I kind of feel like maybe I wasn't very friendly, but in my defense, dude, it was KELLY as in FROM KELLYOLOGY. I was nervous.

Last year I also got to visit a bit with Tyson and Jeane from the WynnBlog and the WynnCast. Folks, you need to go listen to their old podcasts and prepare to think, be amused, chuckle a little and if you listen to the right ones you'll even hear them say my name! I know! It's exciting! They keep saying they're going to have me on the show and I keep promising snickerdoodles, but my invitation must keep getting lost in the mail.

Last year I started emailing Miss Wisabus a few weeks in advance of the awards in sincere hopes that she and her now-fiance' would make it to the awards because I am just seriously jonesin' to meet this gal. Unfortunately, they didn't make it and if they don't again this year I may get a complex. Did you hear that, Elizabeth? A COMPLEX.

Of course, the first year's Round-Up is where I first met Brian and Monty. They are both awesome. Just awesome. Brian and I had grand plans to drink apple martinis together, but the bar only served hard liquor and beer, so he bought me a beer and we danced a dance and it was good times. Monty just entertained us all with her charming personality and flamboyant ability to bring on the party. Not flamboyant like she wore feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there and danced the merengue and the cha-cha, but Monty just has this way of making it feel like a party. I say that like we hang out all the time - and we don't unfortunately - but seriously, even though we compete with each other every year in the Best Humor Blog category, I heart her with a big puffy purple heart.

And speaking of Monty - here's where the REAL meat of this post gets gristly - it appears she and I are victims - victims of a vicious smear campaign run by a heinous Oklahoman with vengeance in his heart and an agenda.

An agenda of what?

Oh let's see.....apparently he thinks I have enough redneck pull that I can have Walmart stores shut down at will. Now, I am from the Walmart side of the tracks, indeed, but even I do not have the power to shut down stores. And why would I? Where else would I buy my GreatValue brand food if I started having stores shut down all willy-nilly? And the store he refers to is in SAND SPRINGS! I don't think I've ever been to Sand Springs!

He also says I didn't help him when his home was in danger of becoming burned to a crisp on the vast Oklahoma prairie, but in my defense, he's a Y2K survivor so that means he's all secretive and conspiracy theorist-y and won't even tell anyone where he lives! How can I help out a fellow Okie when he's in hiding? Huh? He's gotta be available to help, ya know? No one ever made any friends by staying all holed up in their house, Cris....I should know.
And I have no reason to keep people from using certain "pharmaceuticals". I think even the little guys deserve some every now and then. Bless y'all's hearts.

This post? Well, this one I can't even begin to be snarky about this one. I just wanna know where he got our family pictures....

He told me in an email (which I saved to use as evidence just in case anything unfortunate happens to me) that his blog looks like it was designed by a third grader. Hmmm....looks like Cris and Kathie Lee Gifford have a lot in common. Child labor is just wrong, people. Just wrong. Remember that.

This is not over. In fact, I think it's only begun. And I think that Opprobrious guy is going conspiracy theorist on me again. Or maybe he's just underhanded and shifty. Or MAYBE he's trying to make me go all conspiracy theory paranoid.... hmmmm..... Regardless, I think he and Monty have been talking - I just got an email from Monty and included in the text are the words "sleep with one eye open" so that big puffy purple heart that I love Monty with? It may well be used to smother her instead.

While you stay tuned for more posts which I'm sure will be filled with me just trying to defend
my poor self from these vicious smear campaign tactics, go check out some Oklahoma blogs here, here and here and consider becoming an Oklahoma blogger yourself so you can particpate next year. Oh, you're not from Oklahoma? Well, as Miss Wisabus says - you should move. Here. Not somewhere else. Duh.

Oh and by the way, if you just happen to be an Oklahoma blogger you should consider nominating your favorites for an award this year. I won't be so bold as to ask you to nominate me, but if you do.....I will uh.....thank you very much. And so will my husband and children because they are the ones that have to live with me and if I don't get a single nomination I will be really difficult to live with. And then Monty? Mabe you'll end up barricaded in your laundry room, rocking back and forth, holding a plastic spork in one hand and a Sooners flag in the other chanting "Beware the big puffy purple heart.....beware the big puffy purple heart...."

Just sayin'.


Debbie said...

I cannot believe he said "Sands Springs." Ugh...

But, if you ever do make it over here close to Sand Springs, ya gotta e-mail me, 'cause Sand Springs is less than five miles from Prattville, the home of the best little pizza place in all of Oklahoma!

Anonymous said...

Is this guy on something????? What and f-tard.

Unknown said...

I wonder what pizza place debbie is talking about? My X's cousin runs a pizza place in pratville and my beans RAVE about it...

anyways i found your awesome blog from blogoklahoma while looking for blogs to so so glad i found yours!

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