What, Me Worry?

I woke up worrying this morning. My heart and mind were heavy from the second I opened my eyes. Before I ever even got out of bed, I prayed. Even though God knows my concerns, needs and yes, worries, I went ahead and just, you know, reminded Him. These are legitimate needs, not wants.

As I shuffled into the living room to turn on the pellet stove, I again went to God and said, "You know, God, if You could just....help me out here....that'd be great." And on I continued with my worrying and figuring and mental evaluation of the situation. I even went to God again and said, "Hey, here....look at this....I have a solution for You!" but still I felt an unease in my heart, my soul. That was not the solution, apparently.

I got busy packing Paul's lunch, made some coffee, and I think I sighed about 20 times as I made his sandwiches. My feet felt like they were concrete blocks as I walked to the classroom to turn on the computer so I could get started on the kids' school sheets. I was still heavy-hearted and worried because all of my human solutions and suggestions felt stupid and inadequate and simply not solutions. As I flipped on the classroom light, then turned away from the light switch, my eyes, after adjusting to the light, went straight to the white board where my youngest child had written this:

It's been on the board for a few days now and I have noticed it and thought, "Aww, how sweet, Bug wrote a scripture," and wondered why.

Now I know why. It was for me. Today.

Those needs are still there, but I know that God is going to take care of it the way He sees fit. Not the way I see fit. He will supply all all my needs. He doesn't need my planning, suggestions and input because He already has this situation under control.

And I am trusting in that.

Well, Hello There...

I swear to you, I do not know where all my time goes these days! I turn around twice and it's been three weeks since I've posted here (or three months, but ya know...who's counting) and I'd swear to you I just posted a day or two ago. The blog is on my mind a lot and my brain is so completely full of blog posts, I'm surprised my head hasn't exploded. Of course, also floating and bumping around there in my noggin are recipes I want to try, the fact that we are out of paper towels and I keep forgetting to write it on my list when I walk by the fridge, the ever-present quest to teach my children the correct use of quotation marks (seriously, I can't figure out why this is escaping them the way it does!) and the fact that I really need to sweep my bedroom before the dust bunnies start to resemble something from The Walking Dead. So I suppose it's no wonder the blog posts get jumbled around and never written down.

In super exciting news, I recently had a piece on homeschooling published in the local newspaper. My first love as far as local news will always be WelchOK.com. They will always, always be my favorite Welchkins and the folks who gave me my first chance to write for the masses outside my own blog and have never once given me a deadline (although, a deadline might prompt me to actually you know....write there), but the opportunity to write for the Miami News-Record kind of fell in my lap one morning and I took it. It was pretty exciting, I gotta say, seeing my words in print and knowing there were all kinds of strangers out there reading it while they drank their Sunday morning coffee. I also realize there may be folks out there who lined their hamster cages with it, too, but I focus more on the idyllic coffee drinker being inspired and amused by my writing. If you want to check it out, feel free. And if you want to print it out and line your hamster cage with it, well, that just seems superfluous and rude, but I hope your hamster is inspired to homeschool in the process.

This past Tuesday was our 100th day of school. Public schools all over had their 100th day celebrations a few weeks back and while we started two weeks earlier than public school, we've also taken off a week extra at Christmas and have had a little more flexibility with our schedule. We'll finish on time, I have no doubt, especially since we don't have parent/teacher conferences (when I talk to myself, people laugh) and federal holidays and professional days. It will all balance.

The plan for several weeks had been to go to the state Capitol with Delinda and her boys for Homeschool Day (on our 100th day, no less) and while both of my girls were less than enthused, Sam and her oldest had already made plans to be the other's wingman and had developed a pretty decent arsenal of teenage boy pick-up lines. A few days prior to the scheduled trip, the weather started showing snow in the forecast. Then it fizzled. Then it flared. And fizzled. Monday, Delinda and I had both checked the forecast for the City and it was just looking too iffy and tumultuous to attempt. The forecast for during the day here at home was fine, but we had both already planned the day out of actual schoolwork and the kids were prepared for a day of fun together. Eventually we settled on heading north, away from the snow/ice/sleet/wind combo our own great state was throwing at us, and went to Springfield, MO, to Incredible Pizza.

Field trips on a week day are wonderful! We essentially had the place to ourselves, and Chip, the typically less-than-friendly manager, gave Delinda and I each a free turn in the 6D theater with the kids. We each had a pass to ride it once, but our buddy Chip threw in an extra. We later discovered that while you are inside the theater, enjoying the show, squealing and being tossed about in your smokin' sexy giant black 3D glasses, everyone outside the theater gets to watch YOU on a public TV screen. We're preeeeeeety sure that we got the extra show because Chip and his buddies were laughing at us on the outside. *blush*

As we were driving out of Springfield, it began sprinkling and by the time we got to their house, just over the state line, it was raining. We were already too late to make it to a Bible study we had going on at church, so we stopped at the RedBox in Fairland and as I checked out, big, giant, fluffy, wet snowflakes began to fall. It was just about the most perfect 100th day of school I've ever had.

Rambling Thoughts from a Homeschool Momma Before 7am

We've been doing this homeschooling thing since August and I finally feel like I have a partial handle on things. It's definitely a process that is continually being refined, rethought and revamped.

We went into this very eager, but very naive and blind. Sure, we have friends who homeschool (more now that we're involved in a homeschool group) and they were fabulous at giving pointers, but it's still largely your show. Part of my special ops team is Delinda, a constant source of encouragement and support and "Girl, I have SO been there!" and "It's okay, next week will be better". We try to get her crew and my crew together every six weeks or so and it's like a party when we do. The kids immediately begin doing very rowdy, loud things (Well, except Abby who is so above loud and rowdy) and Delinda and I just sit back and watch while we visit. I'd be lost without her.

We're involved in a homeschool group, too, and these ladies are amazing. Support, resources, and just being there -- they're pros at all of that. Back before Christmas we had a kids bowling day and we moms literally pulled our chairs into a semi-circle and just vented. It was hilarious and cathartic. Bug (Yes, my youngest is blogging!) (And yes, we call our child Bug. There is a plethora of Katie/Kady/Kaity's at church and Kadybug got shortened to Bug and stuck.) (Oh and please know that we are diligently working on grammar and spelling, although her blog wouldn't show that) looks forward to homeschool group every Friday because she has made a friend. (I know, homeschoolers have friends?!? Who knew?) And she went out and made that friend on her own. Socialization WIN! She and her new friend, Alex, have figured out each other's daily schedule, and lunch break usually involves at least a phone call and about 700 text messages in the 45 minutes we're taking a break. Abby and Sam usually dread homeschool group day, but last week, although I heard all the way to town, "Can't I just sit in the car?" and "Do I HAVE to go?" by the time we got into a few icebreaker games with the other teens and tweens, they were fine. I just know that Momma needs to see other human adults occasionally, so we go. Whether they're kicking and screaming, pouting or busting through the door to see their BFF, we go. Because if no one else needs it, Momma needs socialization.

We abandoned Abby's English/Grammar before the first semester ended because as she put it, "If I didn't already know what an adjective was, I sure wouldn't now -- this book would have me so confused." I admit, it was very....wordy. (in an English book?! The horror!) And confusing. The child has a grasp on grammar and sentence formation and can even get commas in the right place, so taking a cue from what she'd be doing in public school, we dropped Grammar and are focusing on writing and literature. My very favorite writing exercise for the two bigger kids to do is a 100 to 6 word essay. They write an essay containing 100 words, no more, no less.  Then they have to cut it down to 50 words without losing the concept of the original essay. Then they have to cut it to 25. Then to six. Abby's last one was about how badly she wanted Sonic that day. Her six word essay was "SOMEONE PLEASE TAKE ME TO SONIC!" Which was essentially what she had said in 100 words originally. Speaking of Sonic....now I'm hungry. It's 7am and I need a steak Toaster and tots. ANyway....

Bug and Sam are doing Grammar using curriculum written by the Amish. They loathe it with the white, hot passion of a thousand fiery suns. I think it's phenomenal curriculum and plan to continue it at least through Sam's 9th grade year next year. It's very old school, lots of sentence diagramming and repetition and review. What cracks us up, though, are the names. Instead of seeing folks like Suzie, Jimmy and Bobby going to the fair or the zoo in sample sentences, we see  Brother Ezekiel, Sister Martha and Pastor Hezekiah saving lost souls and going to the pie supper -- sometimes all in one fell swoop. It's a total crack up for our twisted minds. Kady's Reading book is also Amish. The last story she read was about a judge who killed a whole bunch of Anabaptists by burning them at the stake. She was horrified. I gotta say, it did seem a little intense for a 5th grade book. Of course, by 5th grade, most Amish girls are on their way to the alter to be married off to Brother Jedediah, so I guess they consider a good cautionary tale of stake-burning to be part of growing up.

Science has gotten better now that they're on the Biology part of the book. Gotta admit, we skipped the chapters on fossils. None of us were quite feeling it. So if they both bomb the fossil section of the ACT, I take complete responsibility. Today our science experiment is a classic: putting a chicken bone in a jar of vinegar and seeing what happens over the next seven days. Last week we watched yeast decompose a slice of banana. After five days Paul made us throw it out -- he said it had gone far past educational to possible biohazard or flesh-eating zombie banana. Spoil sport. Kady's on the second chapter of Ungulates in her Zoology book. Last chapter dealt with horses, rhinos, mules and the like. This one is starting out with cows. She is less than thrilled. Soon we'll move onto dinosaurs. Hopefully. I gotta say, cows are less than stimulating for me as well. Her sister, who has two years of Ag under her belt, has been helping her along with it.

Bug is nearly done with her math book. She has positively whizzed through it. We'll finish it up probably next week or halfway into the week after that. Abby and Sam are slowly plodding through Saxon Algebra I. Since Abby took it in public school last year, she wanted to do it this year as a review. For Sam it's been more of Pre-Algebra. We didn't get too far into the book before I discovered they were seriously lacking some basic math skills, so we have done a lot of review, going back to Algebra, then breaking for some review again. Next year Abby is doing Accounting and Bookkeeping and Sam will do Algebra fo' realz using a totally different curriculum which practically guarantees success. Each lesson has a video to watch and again uses repetition and review to really teach to learn. Our experience with the curriculum for Bug this year has been phenomenal.

The history book I got for Abby and Sam was utterly HORRIBLE and college-level dry. We made it to chapter 15 before we just stopped. They hated it, I hated teaching it, no one was getting a thing from it and it was torture. We're now doing more Social Studies/Current Events type lessons. Since I had never really found a curriculum I liked (and could afford) for Bug, she's been doing that type Social Studies all year. We've done unit studies on Harriet Tubman, the 13 original colonies, a big unit on the election and electoral college, the Bill of Rights, etc and just kind of whatever interests her at the time. It's a subject we are kind of relaxed on. For instance, last week the big kids had to make Facebook "profiles" for two famous/historical figures. Sam chose Napoleon Bonaparte and Christopher Columbus. Abby researched Marilyn Monroe and Michael Jackson (Note to self: Remind 16 year old that culture and pop culture aren't exactly the same). They really got into it and the pages turned out neat. I struggle with interest in history/government and the kids do as well, so I try to keep it as interesting and exciting as I can. For all of us.

And now the public school bus has just rumbled by and the sun is fully up. I'm pretty sure there is a pot of coffee just begging to be consumed by me, and the hamsters (We now have FOUR! EEK!) are all scritching around in their cages which means it's time for their hamster parents to get their rears up and pay attention to them. Time for another day of homeschooler awesomeness which generally includes pajamas, PE for Hamsters 101, a nutritious lunch which more often than not includes macaroni and cheese and oh yeah....learning.

Have a seat. I'll make you some bread while I crochet you some new underpants out of recycled bread wrappers

I hate to admit it and I resisted as long as I could, but folks, I fell prey to The Pinterest.

(By the way, I am following the Code of the Midwest and probably for the South, too, that some nouns must always be preceded by "The" in order to sufficiently convey their importance. For example, The Walmart, The YouTube, The Sonic, The Diarrhea. You must always capitalize both words, in writing and in speech. It's a real rule. Look it up.)

Anyway, I heard the hullaballoo over The Pinterest and I thought, "No way it's as awesome as everyone says it is and therefore I shall resist." And I'd hear people talking about their homemade laundry detergent and see these amazing party decorations and wreaths of every shape, size and make-up for every imaginable holiday or occasion and think, "Nope, still not jumping on that crafty bandwagon of crazy," and then carry on with my life. I mean, some days it's all I can do to keep the children alive and not burn the house down myself, much less create homemade salsa and gluten-free tortillas. In the words of Sweet Brown, "Ain't nobody got time fo' dat!"

Abby got to where virtually every sentence the child spoke began with, "OH MY GOSH, the other day on Pinterest I saw..." or "MOM! I totally saw this thing on Pinterest where you..." and would go into an excitedly animated speech about the scarf made out of old t-shirts or the headband made from "upcycled" six pack rings and expired medication (I totally made that second one up.) (Or did I...) and I would smile and nod and think, "My child is a crafty lemming zombie," and then carry on with my life. Then my cousin, Courtney, whom I was babysitting for at the time, came in one morning wearing an adorable scarf made from t-shirts and was going on about the wonderful-ness of The Pinterest and she thought she could get me an invitation (yeah, we're talking about back in the beginning where it was an exclusive club for the crafty-est of crafters) and I said, "No, thank you, but I do love your scarf!" And I did love her scarf. I just didn't have time for crafting what with all the other really important stuff I was doing at the time which included watching her son, but for the life of me I can't think of much else I was doing back then....but still, I didn't have time for crafting. Or homemade laundry soap. Or The Ultimate Valentine's Day Party Decorations made entirely of those little slivers of soap no one will use. Or a necklace holder made out of an old yard rake.

And then one day I looked.

Just a look. I typed in the dreaded URL www.pinterest.com and I looked. First off, it didn't look threatening in any way, my soul still felt intact, but all I saw were just rows and rows of picture after picture. Most of those pictures weren't even of crafts. There were a ton of Channing Tatum and some of those snarky eCards and photos of seascapes and mountainscapes and tablescapes. I saw one t-shirt scarf and no garden rakes. I was confused as all get out.

Something seemed amiss, so I quickly closed the browser and decided to cleanse my brain with some Facebook stalking browsing. Soon The Pinterest once again became something I heard people talk about and still held no interest in joining. Besides, Abby was out of invitations.

Then I heard through the grapevine that The Pinterest Powers That Be had opted out of crafting exclusion and had just opened it all up for any Suzy, Jane or Martha Stewart-wanna be to join. Still, I didn't want to be so .... cliche' by joining. I mean, I kind of pride myself on going against the crowd whenever I can. I mean, I liked black nail polish before everyone liked black  nail polish. That right there makes me cool. So I still resisted The Pinterest even though ALL my friends were doing it. Well, I have like three friends and actually none of them were on it, but ALL of other people's friends were doing it and I wasn't having any of that.

So here I sat with no t-shirt scarves, no faux-paneled walls, no belly detox slim-down drinks ("Straight from Dr. Oz!"), no pins, no boards, no copycat Sonic Cherry Limeades, no baby shower centerpieces shaped like a tractor and made entirely of diapers, no flourless chocolate cake, no refinished kitchen countertops and definitely, definitely, definitely NONE of THE PINTEREST.

Then you know how sometimes you're just sitting around avoiding some major task like housework or fixing dinner and the internet is having like a super unexciting day where Twitter is boring and Facebook is annoying and even though you've refreshed it a hundred times, no one is sending you any emails? And you have played Spider Solitaire, read about the actor who played Buckwheat on the 1990's movie Little Rascals, organized all of your church camp photos, cleared your brower's cache, changed your desktop background and still don't want to go make dinner? And you decide to re-type your Christmas card list and create a spreadsheet for this year's taxes even though tax season is like, eight months away? And then you accomplish all those things and you still just don't want to fix dinner?

That was when The Pinterest got me. I was avoiding work and boom, I was suddenly a Pinterest user.

I downloaded the app first and found it engaging. Then I checked out the actual website.

Did you know you can find approximately 458,792,444,201 pinned recipes for Cracker Barrel's Hashbrown Casserole on The Pinterest? They're all the real thing. Just ask each person who pinned it. You can also find the "only" way to poach an egg, make a single-serving microwave brownie in a coffee mug and yes, make scarves out of t-shirts. Also, skirts, headbands, bulletin board border, socks, stuffed animals, tutus, quilts, wall hangings, baby slings, purses, toddler rompers, wreaths, bracelets, necklaces, vests, bibs, pillows, baskets, and rugs from t-shirts. Seriously, when the zombie apocalypse finally happens it won't be Twinkies or bottled water we're all killing each other for - it will be t-shirts.

I've had to cut myself back from the rapid onset addiction that ensued after that first fateful day, simply because our internet bandwidth is capped each month and we've discovered that because The Pinterest is so image-heavy, it was sucking our bandwidth down like crazy. That is actually a very good thing. It keeps me from spending all day, err' day in front of the computer in my upcycled t-shirt pajama pants and t-shirt scarf and headband set, pinning recipes for homemade Mod Podge, marshmallows and mayonnaise. I check it once a day, pin what catches my eye since the last time I checked it and then go about my business.

It's a controlled addiction.

I've discovered Black Magic Cake (so to die for it's not even funny), the most amazing beef tips and gravy recipe, cinnamon roll cake (yes, seriously), TONS of homeschool resources and am systematically ridding my home of chemical-laden cleaners. I am not even joking when I say I am saving money, learning a lot and making the most of what I have in my house without having to buy unnecessary things.

I also now have a heartfelt, deep and meaningful relationship with baking soda. And vinegar is my new BFF. Now, when we have a cleaning day (or "Home Ec" day to us homeschoolers), the house smells like tea tree oil (a natural germ-killer!) and the showers have never been so white (thanks to baking soda!). Abby's allergies are better and she isn't continually broken out in hives. Our grocery bill has dropped. We spend more time together. We aren't eating as much junk and the "junk" I do make is preservative free and made with love. Everybody needs more of that. Love, not preservatives.

Sam, my outspoken 14 year old, calls me a hippie. He says it's not fair we have to do without store-bought Oreos now that I've pinned a recipe for homemade ones and one of these days will get around to trying it out. He hated the fact that when I attempted to make homemade body wash, the house smelled like Irish Spring for a week until I finally gave up on the non-sudsing jellied mass lurking in my stock pot and dumped it all out. He doesn't care much for the fact that his sister and I are constantly concocting, creating and collaborating, but I think he's starting to warm to the merits of it because the dude is a junior prepper (Doomsday Prepper for those not as neurotic and paranoid in the know as we are) and I've been sharing some tips and how-to's on how to survive when the zombies attack and the government is thrown into anarchy and we all have to learn the value of a good head shot and the boy is reluctantly intrigued.

It won't be long and he'll be right there with the rest of us, crocheting himself a machete holder out of his old t-shirts and discussing the proper way to create fire-starters from dryer lint and candle wax.

We'll bring him over to the Pinterest side before long. In the meantime, I'll just keep pinning those "authentic" Cracker Barrel Hashbrown Casserole recipes and saving used dryer sheets and soap slivers while I wait for him to wake up and smell the tea tree oil.

Hammin' It Up

I grew up in the country in a neat little red brick house on a corner with fields all around. The fact that our house was brick and on a cement foundation still didn't keep the mice out come winter time. My mother is TERRIFIED of mice. I don't mean moderately scared or even a little creeped out. I mean, the woman would die if one ever touched her. I'm not joking.

[So please, any mice reading this, stay away from my momma. I like her a whole lot of a bunch and would like to keep her around. No touching the momma. Squeak squeak mcsqueaker squeaken. Got that?]

My momma is so terrified of all things rodentia that the first winter in the brand new house, when my sister was a mere four or five months old, she nearly flipped her lid when she saw the first critter run across the kitchen floor. She came un. glued. But my father who worked nights and didn't want his wife dragging his two children to his work and sitting at the end of the tire assembly line for his entire shift just because she might be afraid to stay in the house alone, fixed the situation by telling her that mice can't run on carpet. He said their little toenails got snagged in the carpet and they just stayed on linoleum. She had nothing to fear if she stayed on the carpeted areas of the house while he was at work.

Now, my mother is a very intelligent woman, but bless her heart, she bought this one hook, line and sinker. I'm going to blame post-partum depression.

And all went along smoothly for awhile. My father went to work every night and after dinner, Mom never left the living room. She even laid my little sister on a blanket in the living room floor to play and nap because, hey those mice can't run on carpet, right? Well, until while watching Hee Haw or Lawrence Welk one night, a mouse came scurrying his little tail off right through the dining room and when he hit carpet, never slowed down. My sleeping baby sister didn't slow him down either -- he just jumped over her and kept on bookin' it. He very well may have been competing in some Mouse Olympic event.

I saw it all happen. Mom saw it all happen. We looked at each other and without a word drew our feet up onto the couch. Then the shrieking began. Who was going to go get the baby? "Hey, lady, I'm like, not even four, not gonna be me." "Oh no, not me either. I have to remain alive to take care of your sister because obviously you are going to perish when you go retrieve her FROM THE FLOOR WHERE MICE ARE." Although, that conversation didn't happen out loud, I'm sure it went on in our heads. It was possibly our first mother-daughter telepathy moment.

She's 60 now and still just as terrified of mice. I'm not a fan either. We haven't had one in our country house in a few years. We're surrounded by either field or forest no matter which side you look at, so mice are kind of just gonna happen. This is why we have lots of cats. The last time we had one in the house, I wore shoes pretty much 24/7, tucked my pants into my socks and upon entering any room I would stomp and declare loudly, "HELLO MOUSE. I AM ENTERING THIS ROOM. YOU ARE NOT WELCOME WHILE I AM IN HERE. PLEASE DO NOT SHOW YOURSELF UNTIL I AM GONE. OH, AND PLEASE DIE. THANK YOU." If you think I'm lying, ask my kids. I totally did that. Every time.

Over the years the kids have asked repeatedly for hamsters. And every time I say no. NO NO NO NO NONONONONONONOOOOOOOO. But in August I was obviously ate up with the stupid with all the getting ready to homeschool my children and when my oldest asked for a hamster I dismissed her with, "Ask your dad."

We now own three hamsters. Three. Rodents. Live here. With me. Inna my house.

Abby had one named Elephant (after Little Bill's pet hamster. Remember Little Bill? He was so dadgum cute!), but Elephant got bitey, so she gave him away. She then bought a Robo Dwarf (Robo is short for Roborovsky, not robot, which would've been so stinkin' epic) and named her Hanna. Hanna is the Speedy Gonzales of the hamster world. I swear I hear her squeak "Andelay! Andelay! Ariba! Ariba!" every now and then. She is adorable and loves to perform for you, but holding her is out of the question. She no likey. She jumpy.

So Abby bought a Winter White and named her Pearl. The same night, Sam bought a Winter White and named her Marley. Pearl is cuddly and lovey and possibly has an eating disorder (She stuffed 33 sunflower seeds in her cheek pouches the other night before she had to go unload. We need to take that girl to a buffet) and Marley is moody and chirps like a cicada if you mess with her on a grumpy day. The kids hold them and let them crawl all over them. They poop in their hands. Pearl pees on Abby a lot because she smells Hanna. It's like a scaled-down version of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom around here.

While I was getting the office cleaned out so it could be turned into a classroom, I was sitting in the floor cleaning out the craft cabinet. Abby decided to bring Pearl out to visit. And then Abby thought it would be HEEEELARIOUS to put the little critter in my t-shirt pocket. That was.....weird. Then she put her on the floor and Pearl, being a burrowing critter, went where it's.....warm. Yes, the hamster ran for my crotch.

There I was sitting in the floor, surrounded by Play-Doh, markers, pipe cleaners, glitter and used-up coloring books and a hamster scampering around my junk. I froze. Abby froze. Bug froze. Then without moving I squeaked, "There's. a. hamster......in.....my......CROTCH. GET. HER. OUT. ...... NOW." Abby immediately fell over in the floor, completely unable to rescue my crotch -- or the hamster -- and I wasn't about to grab the squirming little thing. I pet the dang things with one extended, shaking finger, I no grab. I also didn't dare move for fear of crushing her tiny, furry body under my gigantic booty and other stuff.

So imagine me sitting, legs splayed, arms frozen in mid-air, file folder full of Shrinky Dinks sheets in one hand, face frozen in a mask of rodent-induced horror.....and my daughters lying on their sides, clutching their bellies, laughing so hard no sound is coming out.

Yeah.

Eventually Abby regained enough composure to fish her hamster from my no-no region, a bonding experience like no other, and order was restored.

Marlin Perkins, handler of tigers and gorillas, probably would've handled a hamster in his crotch with slightly more composure. But I bet he never homeschooled his kids.

Classroom Chaos

Being involved in youth ministry, we use the term "controlled chaos" a lot. We rarely ask the kids to be quiet and noise isn't an issue during most gatherings in the youth room. We want to the kids to holler, laugh and have fun. The only time I ask for quiet is when I am teaching them the Word. And I always keep it short because I know that there is only a small window I have their attention.

That being said, for me to embrace the concept of controlled chaos is HUGE. As I've mentioned before, I have diagnosed OCD. Not self-diagnosed, but actual diagnosed-by-a-doctor Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. (It drives me a little bit bonkers when someone says, "Oh yeah, when my sock drawer is a mess I just OCD over that." Uhm....OCD is a noun, not an adjective. But that's a rant for another time. :)) I enjoy order. I enjoy normalcy. I enjoy schedule.

So why on earth am I submerging myself into the bowels of chaos right now?? And it's not even controlled chaos! It's absolute, mind-bending, topsy turvy, make your brain melt CHAOS.

I'm doing it because WE'RE GETTING A CLASSROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Yes, overuse of exclamation, but they are so totally appropriate here. Trust me.)

Awhile back I got this brilliant idea to divide our bedroom in half and make a classroom. Paul liked the idea - liked it especially more than my first idea to turn the playhouse turned storage shed into a classroom. The only problem was money and time and help. So the idea sat on a shelf and I would occasionally sigh dramatically and speak wistfully of the classroom I longed for and how much easier it would be to teach Algebra and sentence diagramming on a white board rather than paper. I would occasionally threaten to put up the 5-foot wide posters of the human anatomy or paint a living room wall with chalkboard paint or pin up the "East Meets West at Promontory Summit" poster from Union Pacific Railroad (Big thanks to Jenn T. for the heads up on that! Union Pacific sent out a free info packet on the railroad in honor of their 150th birthday.) right by Paul's recliner, but still the classroom idea sat.

Then one Saturday morning we had a rare opportunity to sleep in. This never happens anymore, so we all took advantage of it, sleeping in all the way until 8 (which seems strangely early compared to my younger days when sleeping in always involved waking up in the PM, not the AM). I had just finished my first cup of coffee when my phone rang and my mom asked, "What are you doing?" then immediately launched into a frantic plea to "hurry up and get around and get to Grove because there is laminate flooring in the auction and the auction didn't make it into the paper and there's hardly anyone here and oh my gosh, hurry".

We recently re-floored both girls' room with vinyl flooring because it is way cheaper than laminate and Paul didn't need any special tools to do it. He did both rooms in two days each and they look great. Ab's room has a dark wood texture and Bug's is very light, golden Oak. We did each room for about $120. Ab's allergies have gotten so bad we had to get the carpet out of her room and just planned to do a room at a time when we could afford it until the whole house was carpet-free.

But Mom's urging to get to the auction had us making scrambling. We started yelling for kids to get out of bed. That was fun. Then we called our pastor because he's a pro at laying laminate flooring and has all the tools. He advised what would be a good price and what would be an insane price and wished us the best.

We got to Grove as fast as we could. Fortunately the auctioneer hadn't made it even close to the flooring yet, which left us ample opportunity to bid on such necessities as a box of golf balls, a box of owl knick knacks, a box of spray paint and the bargain of the day: a golf set for Sam for the whopping price of $2. Unadvertised auctions rawk. And it also gave me the opportunity to freak out a little old Native American woman who wouldn't go near the box of owls and literally moved across the yard away from me when I started bidding on them. I know it's real to a lot of older Native Americans. I, however, have managed to live quite successfully even though my kitchen is full of the feathered harbingers of death.

Finally it came time for the flooring. I had in my mind what I would pay per box to get us the "insane" price Brother Jerry quoted us and was determined to not go above it. $12 a box was my price in my head. The auctioneer disclosed that he would be bidding to a point for an absent bidder, but when the price went above his bid, his bidder was out. He started the bidding as $12 a box and bid for his bidder. AGH! So by cracky, when he hollered out $13 I TOOK IT. And his bidder was out.

I got 41 full boxes and a partial box of laminate flooring for $533! Roughly, that works out to .50 a square foot. That is actually cheaper than the vinyl we put in the girls' rooms!

So that set everything into motion to get the classroom done. Fall Break is next week and even though we hadn't planned to take those days off like public school does, the pastor is a teacher and said he was free to do the work. Paul got two vacation days on the calendar at work and BOOM, Project Classroom is now underway.

Our bedroom is a converted garage, so it's extra long with high ceilings. The previous owners turned the garage into a den, put up a half wall in the back half of the room and that's where her elderly momma slept. When we moved here, we made the partitioned part of the room my office and the other half a toy room. Enter surprise Kady and we suddenly were the proud owners of a gigantic bedroom to make room for baby. Over the years our bedroom has become the black hole of the house - it's the largest room and therefore, everything that needs a home goes there. It's awful. I have never liked our bedroom for that reason. It's always cluttered. Always. It makes my brain hurt.

So now, we are removing the partial wall completely and constructing a full wall to divide the room in half.  We'll have to build a closet in the bedroom part since the classroom will retain the closet. We'll finally  have storage for all the out of season clothes, the classroom will have a large closet with doors and our bedroom will have a door. A real door. With a knob. And a lock. Right now, the door to our bedroom is a louvered folding door. It's a wonder we haven't scarred a wandering child for life, if you know what I mean. Hubba hubba.

So the countdown has begun to remove all the crap, clutter and mess from the bedroom/office and temporarily displace it to other parts of the house for the next week. I am overwhelmed beyond belief. So much so that I find myself blogging. Yeah. I am seriously avoiding the mess. It hurts me to look at it right now. But I have had a glass of sweet tea while I've typed this and find the anxiety ebbing away, so in a few minutes it will be back to the grind.

Unless I decide to look for classroom organization ideas on Pinterest.

The School that Never Ends

Well, school has been going on for a month now. We started before public school did in our area simply because it was hotter than blue blazes here and we weren't doing anything anyway. I figured we might as well get some learnin' in while our bodies languished in the horrific heat that has been this Oklahoma summer.

Abby is in 10th grade this year. I like saying 10th grade better than I like saying Sophomore. I remember being a Sophomore and how grown up I felt. I refuse to think of her that way. Okay, I actually don't refuse to think that way - I think it often. Especially when I look at her and think Oh holy night, she is dadgum near an adult! and then I cry a little. Abby has struggled in school since 4th grade. Actually I can remember about halfway through her 3rd grade year her teacher asking if anything was going on at home because she had just decided to stop trying. That was where Status: Emo began. By 6th grade she was full-on committed to the emo persona and cost me a ton in black eyeliner alone. Thankfully by 7th grade the eyeliner grew passe' and while her hair still stayed over her eyes until halfway through the year, she began to speak again and somewhat interact with other humans. I doubt she will ever be an outgoing person. She is too much like her daddy. But the fact that she is very shy and quiet did her no favors whatsoever in school. She would not ask for help because then someone might look at her. Of course, I always queried, "Uh...don't you WANT them to look at you? You know, to like, HELP YOU?" and she would shrink back in abject horror like I had just asked her to pick her teeth with toenail clippings. In Abbyland, being unnoticed is totally okay. In Publicschoolville, though, not so much. Add in a teacher who declared one of her classes to be "unteachable" and told them he was giving up on them all. Abby came home that night, dropped her book in the floor and said, "If I'm unteachable, why try anymore?" Awesome.

Sam is an 8th grader this year and while Sam is far more outgoing than his sister, he isn't the most socially flamboyant either. Sam has always fared better around adults than kids. The adults at church think he is amazing and he feels the same. Put him in a room of adults and he is completely at ease. Make him  help with the Preschool VBS class, though, and he will come into your office about mid-week and beg you to release him from his bound duty to spend 2 1/2 hours a night doing the equivalent of herding orphan pigs. He is part of the Brotherhood at church (sounds sinister, but isn't) because he is so eager to be a part of what the men in the church are doing. Sam has also developed a stutter this past year and lemme tell ya, people are cruel. You'd think it would just be the kids, but folks, I have literally witnessed adults make fun of his speech. In front of his momma. So put him in a crowd of people where he knows they are going to either make fun of or get frustrated with him and what happens? His stutter gets worse. By the end of the school year last year, between the bullying and fighting, being made fun of and the kid who literally stalked my son (the school counselor's words, not mine), almost every evening's post-bus time involved tears, anger and much pleading to remove him from public school. I could see him shying away from people and his grades were suffering as well. If you're scared to talk in class and ask questions, you get left behind.

Kady, who we now affectionately call Bug (We have called her Kadybug since birth, but at church there is a Kaity, Kady and a Katie, so we shortened her to Bug) is a 5th grader this year and ..... Oh my gosh, she is me. Plain and simple, the child is exactly like I was at her age. She lives to socialize, talks to the point you think her lips will fall off and gets the giggles for no apparent reason whatsoever. When we finally made the decision to homeschool, we gave her the option of finishing elementary school in the public forum or just starting when her siblings did. She originally said she wanted to stay through 5th grade and we were totally okay with that because the elementary school she went to is phenomenal. I have no complaints and never have with the elementary in general. Then Kady started thinking that her brother and sister might go on a field trip and she would miss out and started waffling back and forth. I let her waffle awhile and she finally said homeschool. I started buying books. She changed her mind. I said sorry. She pouted. She still pouts. She'll get over it. In 3rd grade she scored advanced in math on her standardized testing, a fact I still marvel at since she still doesn't know all of her multiplication tables. She ended up in the GT (Gifted and Talented) program. She got all A's on every report card, except in math, where she consistently got B's and C's. Go figure. We just received last year's standardized test scores -- advanced in every subject. Still can't multiply worth a whit and you ought to see her sentence structure, but by cracky, a bunch of colored-in circles on a state test form declared her (trumpet fanfare) Gifted. Whatevs.

All three of my kids are gifted and talented. You ought to see Abby draw. Her graffitti is amazing. We'll be so proud of her work on train cars someday. Her talent with hair and makeup puts some professional stylists to shame. Sam has a real knack for writing. I am amazed at his stories. He reminds me of a certain blogger. Bug is phenomenal at story-writing as well. We're working on the sentence structure, but you know, she's 10, so I figure we have time. If I had wanted to push it with the school, I could've lobbied for GT for all three, but why? To give them a label? To boost their self esteem? So they could be in a club and go on field trips? Nah.

School is going wonderfully. Being the newbies we are, we have already learned a few things. For instance, I know which publishers and curriculum we will NOT be using next year. I also know that the Amish have it going ON when it comes to Grammar and Reading curriculum. I learned the first week of school that it is not necessary to do EVERY SUBJECT, EVERY DAY either. My poor kids were so exhausted that first week of school! It took the wise words of a fellow homeschooling mom to remind me that my kids are going so much further in their daily work than they would in public school that it isn't necessary to do every subject every day. For instance, we are on lesson 4 in Algebra (and they understand it) and Abby's public school class last year ended on lesson 7. I think we're progressing fine. I also got hung up on the state's mandate of 175 days of school a year and literally got out a calendar to mark off what days we planned to take off between August and May and obsessed over getting 175 days on that calendar. Then I realized, there are many Sundays the kids do school work in the afternoons to get a jump on the week. I think we'll go over our 175 days without worry. I've also learned that my Queen sized bed makes a fine desk, as well as my office floor and the couch. And that, although my mother does not agree, it's okay to do school work in pajamas every once in awhile. Making granola and homemade bread is a perfectly acceptable Home Ec lesson and hamster observation is totally trippy, especially since Bug's science this year is Zoology.

There are downsides: I am exhausted most of the time. I am working harder than I have in years. I feel slightly more overwhelmed than I did when the kids were newborns. I pull a lot of late nights going over papers and getting ahead on lesson plans. I go through a lot of printer ink, but thankfully I bought a Kodak printer last year and it doesn't cost as much as my old Lexmark did. I sometimes get jealous over the fact that Paul and kids are watching the Turtle Man and laughing hysterically while yelling YEEYEEYEEYEEYEE LIVE ACTION! and I'm at my desk compiling spelling lists (and really, I don't like Turtle Man, I just sometimes feel left out of the whole family thing) or cleaning the kitchen. Our grocery consumption has skyrocketed and I am now an avid Pinterest user (something I avoided as long as I could) because I can make Ranch dressing and homemade crescent rolls for next to nothing and Eggo waffles are no longer affordable, so I now own a waffle iron. We never eat out anymore. We only go to town once a week. 

But at the same time, I get to spend every day with three of the most amazing kids on the planet. They are educating me as much as I am them. Their insights and opinions on the world around them fascinate me. They make me laugh. They make me proud. All three kids have lost weight (I keep hoping it happens for me as well, but my aversion to the scales keeps me from knowing) and no one has missed a day of school due to being sick. (Yes, they've all three been sick, but school carried on and they didn't even die.) We didn't have to buy school clothes. Abby can color her hair blue and not get ISS and holes in the legs of her jeans doesn't land her there either. We don't eat out anymore. We only go to town once a week.

It's wonderful.

My Job

I am slowly stepping back into the blogging world and I gotta say, it's all good. I have been so absent from this thing I love the past year and I have missed it a crazy amount of much. I haven't written much of anything. That makes me sad. 

Paul and I are still very much involved in the youth ministry at our church. We have been blessed beyond measure and God has added roughly 15 new kids to our family. Thankfully our house usually holds them. Sometimes it's bodies everywhere, but that's okay. No one has complained yet. We're also swiftly outgrowing our room at the church and again, it's sometimes wall-to-wall bodies, but it will be okay. We'll get a new room when it's time. In the meantime, we just encourage the use of deodorant. 

Being in a ministry position we are virtually always under scrutiny. We are held to a higher standard in the eyes of the church simply because we have been entrusted with some pretty amazing students and funny, they don't want them all messed up and stuff. We have to try really hard to do the right thing, give the right words and set a good example. 

I am by no means a perfect person and my walk with God sometimes is a little more of a crooked stagger through the woods than a peaceful walk down the smooth road with Disney-esque woodland creatures frollicking and bursting into song. He never promised me - or any of us - perfection here on earth; He only promised us His love. Unconditional, undying, perfect Love. I do the best I can to live the way He wants me to and I think God appreciates my efforts. Ephesians 2:10 tells us we are His masterpiece and if He can view me in all my sin and imperfection as a masterpiece, I take value in that and just give it my best. I'm not always going to hit the mark. He knows that. I know that. It's a process. 

 As a teen I learned the phrase "Judge not, lest ye be judged." It was something thrown around by my peers when someone picked out their behavior and either got nasty and made it public or just decided to give a scathing opinion of one's previous weekend adventures or whatever someone deemed as inappropriate behavior or unacceptable acts. It was largely situational and mostly used as a retort. And let's be honest, teenagers judge. They are big-time egocentric and can justify virtually any behavior.......oh wait. 

That's not just teenagers. We all do it. We shouldn't. 

I like the way "The Message" translates Matthew 7:1. It is just plain and simple and it really speaks to me: 

"Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment."

Ouch. 

 It's so easy to sit back and rain down judgment from our lofty heights when in all honesty, we have absolutely no idea what someone else is going through. 

Last night on Facebook I happened to catch a passive-aggressive comment on a friend's wall and because Facebook has made us all nosy stalkers, I went a'searching for what prompted the comment. Turns out, it was about Chick-fil-A. I do love me some Chick-fil-A. 

Best. 

Chicken. 

Evah. 

But it sent me on a Googling frenzy, trying to find out as much as I could about the chicken gurus who have my heart and my taste buds firmly in their grasp. Turns out, Dan Cathy, the president and COO of the company, made a comment about what a family "should" be and then everyone went all crazy with the judging. 

Now, don't leave me right here to go start formulating your scathing comment. Hear me out. 

I haven't requested a copy of Chick-fil-A's financials for the past 66 years, but from what I've read on the innerwebs, Chick-fil-A sends money to organizations that promote families. Traditional ones. Not "Suzy has two mommies" kind of families. Some folks on the internet view these organizations as anti-homosexual. Some view them as simply pro-traditional. I don't know anything about the alleged organizations' credos, values or programs. I also don't care. I'm not judging Chick-fil-A or Dan Cathy. 

I'm also not judging Suzy for having two mommies. 

Nor am I judging Suzy's two mommies. 

It clearly states in my Facebook profile that I am a "Southern Baptist, but the nonjudgmental kind" and I'm sticking to that. I attend a Southern Baptist church and am in student ministry in a Southern Baptist church, but folks, I am not here to judge you. Technically, I shouldn't and so, I won't. 

The Christian music group Casting Crowns has a song out right now on the airwaves entitled "Jesus, Friend of Sinners" and that song has nudged me from the first time I heard it. And by "nudged" I mean "it whacked me upside the head with a big ol' 2x4. 

"Jesus, Friend of sinners, the One whose writing in the sand, made the righteous turn away and the stones fall from their hands. Help us to remember....we are all the least of these. Let the memory of Your mercy bring Your people to their knees." 

"The least of these"? Like maybe....I dunno......sinners? A sinner? Like ...... ME? Because, guess what -- we're all sinners. 

John 8 tells the story of Jesus' writing in the sand. The Pharisees brought a woman caught in the act of adultery to Jesus and, while trying to trap Him into making a mistake, asked Him what should be done to her. Jewish law said they had to kill her by throwing rocks at her until she died. It was a very violent, personal form of execution. Jesus stooped down, wrote something in the dirt (we don't know what, the Bible doesn't say) and then stood to tell them all that the perfect ones could throw the first stones at her. He stooped to write in the dirt once more and when He stood up....funny, they had all gone away. Jesus asked the woman where they were and who condemned her. She replied, "No one."He said, "Neither do I."

It is not up to me to decide what is a perfect family. Or a perfect life. Good grief, sometimes I have trouble deciding what to fix for dinner, so why should I be allowed to decide anything about someone else's life? I can't. I won't. I'm not God. We will all stand before Him one day and be judged. I can't say I'm looking forward to that because, well.....I'm a sinner. It's my nature to sin. So why not just leave the judging to Him in His due time and in the meantime just love on everyone? If there was less judging and more loving, imagine what the world would be like.... 

I know, I know. Let's serve some wine to go with all the cheesiness. 

Seriously, though. My God is a God of love. Not hate. Westboro Baptist spews forth venomous hatred for those who don't conform to their skewed version of "religion". Regular people just trying to get through life think that is Christianity. The pro-life people blow up abortion clinics. The pro-choice people call the pro-life people bad names like "zealots" and "religious nutjobs". Chick-fil-A only recognizes daddy-mommy-2.4 children families.The folks in favor of gay marriage boycott Chick-fil-A.Divorcees are destined to hellfire and brimstone according to billboards up and down I-44 into Missouri. A woman without custody of her children is seen as a bad mother. Folks seen going into the liquor store, bar or casino on Saturday are looked down upon when they walk through the church doors, maybe in search of love and acceptance and a place they feel welcomed. The pregnant teenager is automatically a slut. A fat person is automatically dirty and lazy. A homeless person is deemed a drug addict. 

What happened to grace? Mercy? ........................ or what about love? 

The above-mentioned "Jesus, Friend of Sinners" also has a line that resounds through my head almost continually and has even louder since I started reading the Chick-fil-A stuff:

"Nobody knows what we're for, only what we're against when we judge the wounded. But if we put down the signs, cross over the line and love like You did..." 

Does anyone know or care what Dan Cathy is for? Or only what he is against? Right now, it would seem they only want to focus on the negative. He's probably a really okay guy. But he might punch kitten as a hobby. But see? I don't know him and I can't judge him. 

This girl has it down. She is quite a young lady. 

I am tired of seeing those I love judged, those I don't know judged or being judged myself. And please don't misinterpret my post today: I am not perfect. As a human, I find myself lapsing into judgment. It's that pesky sin thing. 

How many of us have hit the lock button on the car door when we stop at a stop light and see a man holding a cardboard that says, "Out of Work - Need Help". I've done it. You might have, too. Or maybe we give a disproving look to the woman taking a long time in the checkout lane because she has WIC vouchers or a food stamp card. Perhaps that exhausted mother with the young toddler currently throwing a humdinger of a fit in Walmart could really just use a word of encouragement rather than a look of judgment at her mothering skills. I want to be the person that gives that needed help, that smile, that encouragement. I'm trying. I want so badly to just love 'em like God does. Everyone. 

It's not my job to judge you, but it is my job to love you. And I'm taking my job seriously. I'm dropping my stones. I don't want to throw them. I can't. 

"Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor." ~~ Matthew 7:1-5 (The Message)

Dealin' for Some Wheels

Back in September of last year I wrote a post about our desperate need for a new van. Well, apparently it wasn't so "desperate" because it took us 10 months to take the plunge.

Yes, we finally bought a new-to-us van.

*sigh*

Oh, don't get me wrong - it's lovely! Seriously, very lovely. I just hate change.

I had become quite attached to my Inferno Red van with a dent in the back and the fact it wore that coating of red dirt like a champ. I was used to the noise the heater vents made, the fact that the perfect setting on the AC no longer worked so you either blasted it on "Arctic" or "Not Quite Enough to Keep Me From Sweating" and the fact that the passenger side front door lock only worked about 34% of the time. I was very recognizable in my red van. I liked the sense of persona it gave me. And apparently, so did all of Ottawa County because now....NO ONE KNOWS ME. I honk and wave and people are like, "Oh, great, some crazy is waving at me again." I like being recognized. Let's face it, I'm kind of curmudgeonly most of the time, so if I decide to be friendly enough to wave at you, I'd like to be recognized for doing it.

My own mother still doesn't register that it's me when I drive into her driveway.

We're still waiting on a title (giant red tape issue with the car lot and the previous lien holder), so right now I'm still sporting what appears to be no tag at all (the dealer tag is on the inside and the back window is so tinted it's un-seeable) (which, as a side note, makes me appear to be a soccer-mom-van-driving methamphetamine dealer) (which, now that I think about it, may be why no one recognizes me when I wave....apparently I am driving the far less cool version of the Batmobile). I think once I get my RDNKDVA vanity plate back in place I'll be a little more recognizable -- at least to those behind me.

 This was our very first experience paying cash for a vehicle. We are bigtime Dave Ramsey fans and agree that car debt is unacceptable debt. We have been debt-free for many, many moons now and had no intention of changing that. We had a budget in our heads (actually, we had cash in our hands) and knew what we wanted. We also knew, that the right vehicle was out there - we just hand to find her. We were armed with Dave's advice to flash the cash and let the power take hold. We soon learned that the power of cash is better utilized at small, mom and pop car lots. Big dealerships don't like cash sales because they make no money on the financing. The flashing of the cash bit us on the hiney a few times before we learned this and just kept our mouths shut.

We really like the size of a mini-van, but the fact they sit so low to the ground is an issue out here in our seldom-graded dirt road. We considered going up to an SUV, but would lose the gas mileage a van gave us. Paul scoured the internets for the perfect vehicle, sometimes staying up to 2am on his quest. (He's a bit obsessive, bless his heart.) I am a very literal person and seeing a vehicle in a picture just doesn't do it for me. He would research and research and then show me a picture and then want to punch a baby when I'd say, "Okay, cool, let's go look at it in person." It meant nothing to me in that flat picture on the screen. I want to look, feel, touch, smell, etc. Yeah, I'm weird.

Our first visit was to the Chevy dealership in town. He had a Town & Country van, but wanted nearly $30k for it. He had a Yukon, but it had $150k miles. He had a b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l Suburban that had e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g we wanted, though. We drove it. We loved it. We wanted it. He let us take it overnight.

We never got it to register over 10.1 mpg.

Yeah. That wasn't cool.

After arguing with another salesman over the fact that the GMAC website said we'd get 18 mpg and I repeatedly told him, "Okay, prove it. Show me. Make it happen on the dashboard readout and we will buy this vehicle today," we bid adieu to the beautiful behemoth and moved on.

A dealership website in Kansas showed a pretty Inferno Red Town & Country on their website. Paul called them and asked if it was on THAT LOT and they assured him it was. He made an appointment for us to see it at 2pm. At 1:45 we arrived at the lot to find that the van was not there, was on its way down from Kansas City and would be there by 5pm. We didn't have that much time and the next week was church camp, but we said we'd be back the following Saturday. We called the next Friday only to be told that the vehicle still hadn't made it to the lot (funny...I guess I had a different idea in my head as to what "ON THE WAY" means...), but would be there the next morning. We called the next morning. Still wasn't there. We told them to sell that van to someone else because apparently if they couldn't even give us a straight story on the whereabouts of the vehicle, we were pretty sure they wouldn't give us a straight story on anything else.

I was angry.

Paul was frustrated.

We ended up at a Kia dealership that afternoon. We told him our budget and what we wanted out of our van. He showed us a lovely Borrego and assured us the price was in our range and hey, it was the last day of the month and his boss was in a dealing mood. We drove it. We loved it. We wanted it.

He went to his good-natured, wheeling and dealing boss and came back with a "deal" of $19,500. I laughed. Loudly and borderline manically. I thought Paul was going to break a tooth or seven because his jaw was so clenched. I then told the salesman he was insulting and had wasted two hours of our time and that he could take his Borrego and his "deal" and just sit on it. We walked out. Mad. Then the guy called me three times a day for the next week. He was skeevy.

The next day Paul found a Chrysler Pacifica and a Town & Country at a dealership in Aurora, MO, an hour and a half from home. Both had decent miles and the price was right. The Pacifica sold within hours of him finding it, but the T&C remained. He spoke to a salesman, got a few more details, told him we'd be up there the next day and then we prayed. He took off work early and we gathered up our three kids, my niece and nephew and headed for the Show Me State. We drove it. We loved it. The passenger sliding door didn't work quite right. We addressed that. The salesman offered to fix it, but it might take two weeks. We told him we'd take it off the lot right then, the way it was, for a discount. He talked to his mechanic. He knocked $1000 off. We wheeled. We dealed. We offered. he counter-offered, Paul was enjoying the game, my blood pressure was nearly at stroke range.

But we got it. Paid cash. That felt really awesome.

It has leather, Stow & Go seats, a six-disc DVD player (we drove to Tulsa on Tuesday to The Aristocats and ran errands yesterday to Tangled), an on-board navigation system (that is nowhere as user-friendly as the Garman) and is a lovely mix of Cornflower and Sapphire blue. She rides like buttah, y'all.

And she wears that fine coating of red dirt pretty well. For a city girl.

An Interesting Conversation

This morning I had Bug, Sam and my nephew, G, in the van, heading home from dropping the big girls off at summer *scrapbooking/chastity training.

As we were driving we met a car where the driver was obviously texting. I said that statement aloud and added, "Or else he was just really studying his crotch." As is pretty typical with 10 to 13 year old, the word "crotch" and the thought of someone studying one sent the three of them into ridiculous laughter.

As the giggling stopped, Bug, in a teeny tiny voice, said, "Well, hello there, little fella," sending everyone into fits of laughter again. G countered with, "No, no, it's 'Hey, howya doin' there, big guy?'" in a giant, deep voice. Again, laughter.

The following are other one-liners that ensued, most of them nearly causing me to get pulled over for reckless driving:

"How YOU doin'" a la Joey from "Friends"

"Haven't seen you up and around lately."

"Nice hat you're wearing."

"Nice mullet."

"Hey, did you get a haircut?"

"I didn't know you were Jewish!"

"Nice beard, dude."

"Uhm....did you know you're a penis?"

Yeah. It was quite a ride home.

------------------------------------


*Scrapbooking/Chastity Training: The county puts on WISE UP to teach 6th graders how to make smart choices regarding sex and relationships. Our county has a really great gal that has taken it further and really invested in the girls. She stays with them past 6th grade and does a book club with them during the school year and scrapbooking in the summer. Paul and I jokingly call it "Chastity Training". Today after scrapbooking they are actually going to watch MTV's "16 and Pregnant" then meet the couple from Miami that was on the show this past season. I hope it serves as cautionary. Not glamorous. I expect them to come home depressed.