Monday, March 04, 2013

Buy Sell and Trade for a New 'Tude, Please

Okay, I have HAD IT with the Buy Sell Trade sites on Facebook. I don't buy, sell or trade on them, but my kids do and I'm fed up. That being said...

Dear Buy Sell Trade-ers of the Universe,

If you are a habitually early person you cannot - simply CANNOT - start your waiting countdown *before* the appointed time to meet. If you are to meet at 6 and you show up at 5:45 and then your meet person shows up at 6:02 and you are LONG GONE, you cannot post a nasty comment that you "waited 15 minutes". It's rude. Politeness would say that by 6:15 you can say you have waited that 15. And then when someone comes on to defend themselves, don't be ugly about it. Calling them an out-and-out liar isn't nice nor is using poor grammar and punctuation to start a written word war in the comment section. What did Bambi's mom say about saying nice things or shutting your mouth? Oh and hey, listen to this one please? When u uze splng lik dis to komyunikate w ppl i jus wana throw a lamp @ ur head. I will only overlook that so long before I will take a red grading pen to your every post and laugh manically while I do it.

If your TV/Playstation/Cell Phone/Analog Corded Wall Telephone from 1986/ Automatic Ear Wax Remover truly doesn't work, DON'T POST IN YOUR AD THAT IT DOES AND THAT YOU "JUST CHECKED IT, I PROMISE". One of these days, some teenager who scrimped and saved and worked her tail end off to earn $60 for a PS3 to whom you sold a "working" electronic gaming system, will not have a mother with a personality like mine nor is involved in youth ministry and is married to a deacon, and that mother is going to pour the whoop-up on you. Jesus saved you on that one, big fella. Because it is only the ministry and God in Heaven that has kept me from cussing you six ways to Tuesday and fashioning a voodoo doll in your image. We turned it into a life lesson, but man, that one stung. We now carrying various cords and chargers with us in the van whenever we go to pick  up items and we WILL check your "working" device to make sure you aren't a lying lie face. Yes, I know, I should refer back to the Bambi's mom statement in the previous paragraph.

Post pictures of your items. We don't all have amazingly vivid imaginations that will allow us to decide if your formula-stained baby clothes are truly worth our time and money. If you can't post pictures, don't sell them. Take them to the Goodwill or a resale shop where they can visually see those formula stains up front. You wonder why you can't sell your items? POST PICTURES.

No, I won't pick up or drop off items at your house. Don't ask again. It's creepy and every time someone suggests it, I write down your name and theirs so that if they go missing in the next week or so I can call the police department and inform them that you have likely just made a lampshade and curtains out of their skin as well as their old baby clothes.

Most of us don't sit at the ready to serve your needs. If you want to buy my used copy of Madagascar 3, you kind of have to be a tad flexible with meeting times. Most of us actually want to sell our things to you, we just don't like being made to feel like your dancing monkey who is only there to do your bidding. Snarky comments and tagging admins is way not cool. You work during the day, we school during the day. Yeah, the principal at our school is probably slightly more flexible than your boss, but we can still make this work as long as you don't fly off the handle and go all yell-y and typing IN ALL CAPS and tagging admins right and left.

And speaking of admins, if you are an admin drunk on the power of your position and you decide to kick a 14 year old off of your site (who was actually a member of the site before you imposed age limits), please also kick off the 4,287 other "underage" children selling, buying and trading as well. If you'd like, as a complimentary service to you, I will gladly compile a list for you of all the 8, 11 and 13 year olds you seem to "overlook". Don't make an example out of my teenager because someone stood him up and then threw a hissy fit and got all nasty and stuff. Okay, so he might've stayed under the radar if I hadn't mentioned my son's age when I took it upon myself to comment back to the "non-truther" (see, I didn't call her a liar) who had already sold a jank TV to my son six months ago then was a no-show on a video game sale, then tagged you because we weren't "being fair" to you and accommodating your heavy work schedule. Yeah, there's that. But still, that $20 TV we bought from her and then had to haul off ourselves after we discovered it didn't work is still kind of sitting there in my mind, nudging me with a pencil every now and then. Essentially, she got us to pay her to be her haul-off service. You're quite the entrepreneur, aren't you now, cupcake? *slow claps*

People, I loathe garage sales and these sites are allowing my children to sell their crap without me having to get up at 4am to set up tables and drink inordinate amounts of coffee while die-hard garage sale-ers haggle with me over my .25 mis-matched Tupperware containers, half colored-in color books, VHS tapes of the Lonesome Dove mini-series and Barbies with matted hair. But somehow, the lying and the hateful attitudes and snarky comments and outright tattling is starting to make me wanna brew a pot of coffee or seven and get out the price tags and tables.

Play nice. Be nice. Buy my kids' junk and don't call my kids liars. I have access to Google maps. I can find your house. I know how to fork yards and can throw a roll of TP pretty far.

Thank you and have a lovely day,

The Redneck Diva

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

What a hilarious blog! I used to be on Facebook, no more. I thankfully never had heard about the buy, sell, trade part; I would have come unglued with all that uncalled for rudeness! I've done one garage sale. One. No more, not unless I'm looking to find myself utterly irritated. I would truly prefer to give things away over haggling. Especially baby items (ex: swings) that the warranty is still good on, perfect condition, and someone wants it for next to nothing. Goodwill, bless them. Hang tight! Saw you on Mamapedia!

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